Denmark (5 reviews)

Sealand Birk Original

Sealand Birk Original

What a tease. Here I thought I was going to get a delicious, non-carbonated drink birch beer but come on. This tastes like some sort of agave juice. It's smooth, has no definition and won't really offend anyone.

Now that my clear disappointment is out of the way, yeah, this is pretty average. It is from the birch tree. Giants came from the sea and the sky and squeezed birch trees into tiny bottles. This being the "original" flavor is the base in which the rest of the flavors in this line are based. How does it stand up? It's fine. It's non-offensive and therefore a tad lackluster.

Did I know that you could drink that lifeblood of a birch tree? No. Will I try it next time I can identify a birch tree and have a tool to stab said tree to let the juice out? Maybe. Probably.

Website
http://www.sealandnr.com
Country
Denmark
Sweetener
Xylitol
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 12th, 2013
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Sealand Birk (Original)

Illy Issimo Mochaccino

Illy Issimo Mochaccino

Coffee, frappe, cappuccino, mocha, Frappuccino, Mochaccino...there is a lot going on these days in the world of coffee. Is it all good? Eh, it depends on who you ask and what you drink. Me personally, I don't like straight coffee but canned, usually of Far East descent I enjoy. When a Denmark makes a coffee, for some reason, I feel you should listen. This comes from no sort of knowledge of the country as a whole so if you know something about Denmark, and more specifically something that would validate/invalidate me, I'm all ears.

As I lead in with an intro like that, I quickly wonder why I spent the time to write it because this isn't particularly great by any stretch. Why? Well I'll tell you, why. Numero uno is that there is not enough coffee taste. With a "coffee" drink, I expect, nay, demand a coffee taste. This tastes mostly like a coffee flavored low fat milk. Milk first, coffee second. It's a little sweet but that's to be expected. If they could work out the ratio of coffee to milk that would make this great but it's a pretty wide miss as far as canned coffee drinks are concerned.

Mr. Brown, I once again would like to shake your hand for nailing this category and it's different blends and types of coffees out of the park. Illy, I have praised you in the past and although I am not looking down on you, I cannot in conscience mind recommend this product to my faithful followers. My apologies to you and yours.

Website
http://www.illyusa.com/
Country
Denmark
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 26th, 2013
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illy issimo Coffee Drink, Mochaccino, 8.45-Ounces Cans (Pack of 12)

Hyper Malt Original

Hyper Malt Original

For a few years I thought of how great it would be if someone would market cereal milk. All different kinds, but particularly Fruity Pebbles and Golden Grams. There is nothing better than that flavor infused cream after you've finished the "solids" portion of your two course breakfast cereal. It's like drinking the bathwater of the gods and sometimes, before moving onto that final stage, I refresh the first, making the inevitable payload that much more savory. It's a harrowing exercise of will power to be certain but like any work-out or period of time without smoking cigarettes, it's more than worth it once you cross that finish line. It is, essentially, the bathwater of TWO gods now. Perhaps they bathed together. Maybe there was just a water shortage and they needed to conserve so as long as the temperature remained comfortable they just wouldn't drain it in-between baths. There is no limit to their hygienic routines as long as your imagination is healthy.

What I'm saying is, though this might sound like a good idea to some (or no one after that unfortunate analogy), I have found upon drinking HYPER MALT ENERGY DRINK that cereal milk is only delicious because the person drinking it worked so hard to make it. This energy drink tastes like someone took a bowl of apple juice, emptied the contents of a box of Wheaties into it, let it sit in the sun for a few days, took it back inside, gagged heartily, then ran the fluid through a colander into a bottle which went directly into my mouth. I don't see cereal milk being a big hit for anyone looking to be refreshed, and I don't see HYPER MALT ENERGY DRINK being a big hit for anyone looking to be energized. Unless of course you only need the energy required to hurriedly rush to the bathroom to spit it out before going back to watching Maury Povich like I did this morning. But at least it saved me the tens of thousands of dollars I was going to invest in my new milk company.



When I asked Keith to rate the drink he said "0 of 5. No wait, NEGATIVE 0 of 5." Our scale only goes to "1" but keep in mind that if it was possible, it would be below that.

Country
Denmark
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink, Other/Weird, Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Keith Buckley - Singer for Every Time I Die on February 8th, 2012
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Illy Issimo Cappuccino

Illy Issimo Cappuccino

I am not one of those dudes who wake up and has a coffee before anything nor am I the guy that has a coffee at any point in the day. "Dude, sometimes you just need that jolt." you might say, but you know what I say? No, dude, I don't. If I'm tired, I'm tired. My body is exhausted from doing stuff all day and needs to relax, not take an adrenaline shot to keep going at the pace I was going at. Sometimes I get down and sure, coffee might make sense, but I push through it and get to the end of the day and sleep like a baby.

Ignoring that entire entry paragraph, today I thought it might be a nice change to give it a whirl. Now I'm not going to drink a drink and then sit around like a turd and wait for the effects to kick in. I'm sure it's there, but I don't care and I'm not looking for it. It's all about taste and not function with this guy. If this were supposed to do something, I would let you know. It's a coffee drink. You know what it does.

Taste. It's, once again, just coffee enough that anyone in the range of "kind of likes the taste of coffee" to "loves coffee" will enjoy. There is enough milk and sugar to smooth it out and leave it with its inherent coffee bitterness. This wasn't bad. It's more "adult" than a Starbuck's Frappuccino because it's not as sweet and still tastes like coffee in its base rather than a melted iced coffee drink.

I got this at a steal from a local discount store so you might be able to do the same. Fifty cents doesn't buy you a lot these days but if it buys you a nice, refreshing coffee drink, wicked.

Website
http://www.illyusa.com/
Country
Denmark
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 28th, 2011
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illy issimo Cappuccino Coffee Drink, 8.45-Ounce Cans (Pack of 12)

Vita Malt Malt Pineapple

Vita Malt Malt Pineapple

At first sip, this drink was good. On subsequent sips, this drink was strange and then good again? Why? Initially, it was just different. Then you realized that it was a pretty accurate pineapple taste. There was something off about it, though, and then I think that I narrowed it down. Think of eating a fresh pineapple. Like, cut it yourself fresh. Now erase that thought, go to the worst market you know of and buy the oldest possible can of canned pineapple and make that into a pop.

As a drink, it's not bad. Like I said, it tastes like canned pineapple. Maybe more like a can and pineapple. Goats would love this drink. Tropical goats. It is a lightly carbonated drink and even though you got an initial taste of can, it was worth it because it's some of the best pineapple flavor I've had outside of a real pineapple.

I got this at an Indian market and the label was half Hindi (or whatever language that was) and half English.

Website
http://www.vitamalt.com/
Country
Denmark
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 24th, 2010
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