Mike Literman - 1759 Reviews

Strawberries, watermelon and lemons; if that isn't summer, I don't know what this is. Marinate a hot dog in it, get some grass clippings on your new shoes after you mow the lawn, stop wearing socks, wear shorts, celebrate America and talk about going to the beach but don't actually go. This drink has it all and wants you to take that exotic trip back in time to something called, "July." That's right. This is a slightly sour but mostly fruity taste of lemonade with watermelon and strawberries in it. This has to be the culmination of years and long nights because to have this trio together outside of some sort of special occasion must have cost some money. You think it was cheap to have the Rat Pack play together? Boy, you should think again. Those guys were lady killers and this is like the drink equivalent of Frank Sinatra, that black dude from Cannonball Run, and the other guy.

Every time I got into a grocery store I like to spend a couple minutes going through the array of drinks. Usually they are the same as they were since the last time I was there. We've been doing this for a couple years now and after nearly 4100 drinks, it's hard to find things that we haven't reviewed. Sure, that is impressive in its own right but it's frustrating when you are trying to find something new.

This visit I found a couple things but this was the one that I selected for today. It's by Hint, a company that I have had good luck with in the past with a seasonal favorite, apple cider. It is, as all Hint's flavors are, subtle. It's got a pretty present aftertaste, though. It tastes like apple cider. The promise has been kept! I can say for certain that Hint delivers on their promise time and time again. I've been drinking this all day and I've got to say, I never stopped liking it.

It's not often that we get a lemon lime drink that actually tastes like it has lemons and limes in it. There's nothing wrong with your Sprites or your Sierra Mist or your 7-Ups but after drinking this it makes them almost seem like they aren't real. Now look, they might not be real but this tastes like something different. It tastes as if in the Polar plant they actually house lemons and limes.

This tastes like sparkling water that is flavored with lemons and limes. It's actually good; kind of sweet, but not terrible. It's nice and doesn't taste diet. I don't know how many of these Frost drinks we have left but I think I can honestly say that for a diet drink, these don't taste like diet.

Jay might not like it because of his distaste for lemon lime but I actually enjoyed it. A welcome addition to anyone's diet repertoire.

Two days in a row? Yeah, two lattes in two days. I don't know what I'm doing to myself. Whatever it is, someone hearing me complain about how jittery I am is inevitable. Let's move on to what happened when I ordered this drink.

Since no one knows how to do their job, of course there was an issue with ordering this item which was on their menu with giant banners and small banners and signs. Something about "Everyone who has been ordering the dark chocolate latte has been getting hot chocolate!" or "You're pressing the wrong button on the machine!" or something to that nature. I did get what I ordered and waited very patiently which the "barista" was very appreciative of. Here's what she lovingly put in it. She put in latte at the press of a button. Technology, right? No hand tapping or twisting or turning or any of that nonsense. Then she squeezed in some chocolate whip which they use(d) on their cold hot chocolate which was fantastic. Then it looked like they threw some chocolate chips but they weren't chocolate chips. They were chocolate covered rice balls and were awesome.

How was it? Well I can easily say that I will be buying it through this winter season. It was very good. Darker, more bitter with (c/k)rispies and a nice smoothness. It was exactly what I wanted it to be. Tim Horton would be proud.

I have been trying all day to try to figure out what type of person would eat a Pop tart while drinking this, as I did this morning. I think the answer is someone who hates themselves. Someone who hates their body, has given up counting calories, and forgotten the definition of the word fitness (at least for one meal).

Why would I say that? Pop Tarts are delicious but made for kids even though they're pretty awful for you and I feel guilty giving my kid Pop Tarts but sometimes there is no milk and we're out of alternatives. Append the fact that I'm pretty sure this is coffee that is held together by sugar because it is wildly, immensely, insanely sweet. It tastes more like caramel coffee than caramel mocha but it's not awful. If you can get past the fact that with each sip you have to sacrifice your least favorite toes and fingers, it's not bad. It still tastes like coffee and it's smooth and it tastes like what it's supposed to.

Dat sugar doe...

If I can borrow a line from the TV show "Review," Andrew Daly says, "Life. It's literally all we've got." Is that the case with Coke Life? It could be if you kind of like diet pop. Someone asked me what this was all about and I said, "It's a half diet pop.” It's like someone went halvsies on a Coke and a Diet Coke. That's almost how it tastes. Actually, it tastes more like a Mexican Coke and a Zevia cola were mixed together, since it's sweetened with both cane sugar and stevia.

At first you can get some of the stevia at the tail end of sips but after you start to drink it like it's not the last thing you'll ever drink, you lose some of that and it starts to blend together and taste like a slightly diet cola. At half the calories and half the diet taste, it's not a bad payoff. I have another one in the fridge and I will break it out sooner than later because it was good. We'll see how Pepsi True does whenever we can get our hands on that.

Black raspberry, the "goth" fruit. Black raspberry, the older, darker brother of raspberry never studies, smokes cigarettes and listens to Skinny Puppy and Front Line Assembly. He drives an old car that he painted black but the funny thing is that it was already black.

This brooding, trench coat wearing fruit matched with sparkles, a match no one thought that would work out, actually make a pretty nice couple. As long as it's cold, this drink is pretty good and not super diet. “As long as it's cold it's good (like black raspberry knows anything about being warm and comforting). When room temperature o'clock happens, it gets thick but we're not going to go there. When it's in its natural state, cold and filled with hatred for his father for no reason, it's actually nice. It's sharp and fruity and doesn't taste like something your mom would like. You know what I'm talking about.

I don't know why this was marked down. I'm speaking out of order. This was marked down. Now we're on track. I don't know why this was marked down. It's very good. It's smooth, flavorful, good calorie count and natural. It tastes like peach black tea. You don't have a strong ginseng taste but you can tell that is there with a little bitterness. A kind reminder that Little Miracles is concerned about your mental capacity. They want you to pass that test. They want you to do well in your interview for that new job. They want you to reach your best time in that blindfolded Rubik's Cube competition. 'Tis a fine tea and I would drink it again if given the opportunity but since it's in the markdown endcap, I fear that I won't have the change. I hope all is well, Little Miracles. Maybe a new line is in the pipeline. Let's wait and find out.

Was there anything more disappointing that when you were in home economics in high school and they told you that you were going to make snickerdoodles only to find out that there is nothing similar between Snickers candy bar and snickerdoodle cookies? What a complete bummer. To this date, I still get mad when I eat snickerdoodles. It's not that they're bad but they're no Snickers. I'll make you a Snicker cookie that would blow the lid off any of your dumb grandma's prized, award winning snickerdoodle cookies. Oh, I know they won the blue ribbon in Tennessee in 1953 against Mabel Johnson's apple pie but who gives a rip. Snickerdoodles will always be second to something with chocolate, caramel and nuts.

This, as disappointing as it may be, isn't bad. It's coffee and snickerdoodle. It would be like if you had a coffee and dipped a snickerdoodle in it and it broke off and you just went with the flow and let it marinate. It's sweet but cookies are sweet so if you didn't see that coming, you truly don't know what you're eating and have no imagination.

Also, if there was a fight, my maternal grandma would crush your grandma in a cook off. My paternal grandma would lose every time. No, not because she's dead but because she was a pretty terrible cook. She was a wonderful woman who lived through the Holocaust. It didn't enhance her cooking skills but what each of my grandmas was doing in their twenties was polarizingly different.

At children's parties, Natalie is typically offered a very limited selection of drinks including juice boxes, wine and beer. She did not want any of these things. She wanted something different and not just different from those options, something different than she was used to. She gave the birthday girl her gift and went into the kitchen to see what she was going to be stuck with and she found it. She noticed a peculiar label on the counter and approached it only to see that it was something she hadn't seen before. It was ginger apple flavored seltzer water. She promptly poured herself a glass and took a sip.

She liked it because it tasted a little like a carbonated apple juice mixed with some of the flavors of ginger. There wasn't any of the burn from a ginger beer or some ginger ales but the flavor of a ginger ale was there. She asked whomever brought it and they said that it was a seasonal flavor that wasn't going to be around forever. She liked it so much that she went on the way home from the party to buy more bottles for herself.

I missed this review by two days. Two days ago was "Eat a Cranberry Day." Not exactly the most "high holiday" of holidays but it's something. If you have to have a special day, you sign a couple papers and you make it official. You walk door to door with your little clipboard and have people sign it commemorating November 23rd as "Eat a Cranberry Day." Why wouldn't you sign it? It's not religious. It has nothing to do with race. It's not sad. You don't have to buy a card. Why not just sign it?

It's probably just "Eat a Cranberry Day" and not "Eat Cranberries Day" because cranberries are pretty gnarly fruits in themselves. They are bitter and you have to add a bit of sugar to make it taste "good." This drink went right in the middle. What they didn't add in sugar they filled in with bubbles. It's a little bitter and actually tastes pretty close to what a raw cranberry tastes like. It's lightly sweetened and lightly fizzy and it's probably not a drink for kids. I don't know anything about alcohol but I feel like this would be good as a mixer.

Happy belated Eat a Cranberry Day to you all. Maybe next year we won't overlook it like we always do to Physicians Assistant Day or National Cheeseburger Day.

It's been many a moon since I've had a good cola. Can I say any different today? Eh. This tastes like a good corn syrup Coke but not as good as a cane sugar Coke. How? There is a strange fruitiness to the cola that I am not particularly fond of. The cola taste is fine but the aftertaste of whatever is in there is a bit bitter and thereby distracting to the actual taste of the cola. Since I have to judge based on the whole of the flavor, this might just be "another cola." It's a bummer because I wanted this to be a nice, dark cola. Instead, it's just kind of there in the median; another purgatory pop for you.

"Does it taste like an old woman?" I said to my mom as she tried this drink. She answered with a confident "No." Look, sometimes lychee tastes like old women and that's fine because old women need love, too. This drink tastes like sparkling limeade but you honestly don't get much of a lychee taste. This drink grabbed my interest because of that fact that did a great job designing the can and the flavor sounded great. You know what? It was great. Everyone who tried it liked it. My dad did not try it because I'm pretty sure my dad only eats chicken. I saw him eat a burrito the other day and it might have been his first one. Strange considering I'm his son. Or am I? Something to think about.

Anyhow the drink is honestly good. It's got a nice, tart limeade taste and the "sparkles" make all the difference in the world. The strawberry gives it an extra sweetness that you can't get from just adding sugar. The lychee, eh, we'll let it slide. I'm still giving it four out of five regardless of the ingredient that might be too faint to mention. That's saying a lot.

Men can drink Skinny Girl, too, right? I mean, calling something "Skinny Girl" is no different that calling your company "Skinny Cow," right? It's not like only cows can eat their own brand of diet ice cream. I would actually enjoy seeing a cow eat an ice cream cone. I think that tongue could do some damage. I love ice cream but I think if there was a race between myself and a cow at who could eat ice cream the fastest, the cow would win. That being said, I do not think that I want to see a cow with an ice cream headache.

Likewise, I don't think that I would like to see the lovely and talented Miss Bethenny Frankel get an ice cream headache but I feel that she and I would be a way more balanced race of "who can eat ice cream the fastest." Just to people eating ice cream fast in a competitive fashion. It's the American way.

This drink has nothing to do with ice cream but it does have everything to do with being a good tasting diet drink. It's made by, or in partnership with, Arizona which I did not know. Whoever is behind this, they should know that they did good work. It has a good tart flavor with some fruit kicks in there. It's sparkling but not like a seltzer, just like a sweetened carbonated juice drink. I shared it with "the new girl" at she thought the same thing. We agree. It's good.

I haven't heard anyone say the word "blizzard" but as many of you know, Buffalo is under attack by snow. It starts immediately south of downtown, as if a line was drawn between the central area and South Buffalo .That area has been covered by upwards of five feet of snow as if in a cartoon. You know the ones. They say something like, "I wish it would snow." and a mound of snow would come up to their necks. That's exactly what happened. Don't believe me? Go look it up. I'll wait.

In the meantime, I'll drink this drink that is like an homage to the weather patterns my Southern brethren have dealing with. Polar, maker of some pretty good seltzer water decided to delve into the wide world of diet sparkling juices that are named after cold things. Ice, Frost, Snow, Sno, and so on and so forth. It only tastes, and I'm rounding here, 20% diet which isn't too bad. The good part is that it's actually made with real orange juice. Who knows where the mango comes from? Wherever the rest of the flavors are coming from, they're pretty good and this is pretty good on this very brisk, snow filled week in the tropical village known as Western New York.

You like sports, bro? I love sports. I love them. I love winning. Hashtag winning, right, bro? Remember that? Charlie Sheen? That dude rules. Yeah, present tense. He still rules. You know who else rules? Our local sports team. They're awesome. Hey, I'm thirsty. You know what a thirsty dude drinks when he's thirsty? No. Not water you munch? Water is for chess players. I mean a real sportsman like you and I. Powerade, that's right. Specifically grape Powerade. This stuff goes down smooth, doesn't taste like poison and tastes like regular grape drinks should. It's good and really helps me when it comes down to baseball time. I'm permanently in the mental state of a homerun derby, bro. All day every day.

What did you say, Miss Catherine? We're done role playing for the day? Oh, man. Thank you. I don't know how much more of that I could have done. Maybe I don't want to play the role of "the jock" in the school play. Can I keep this grape Powerade, though? It's pretty good and actually does taste good. For a diet drink, it's not gross at all.

Jim, the reason we brought you here is actually for an intervention, not for a pie eating competition. It was the only thing we could think of to get you out here. Jim, we're worried about you. We've known for a long time about what you've been up to and it's time that we, your friends and family, talk to you about the way that it makes us feel. Jim...I'm just going to come out and say this. We don't think that it's right that you eat candles. I'm sorry but as your friend and the best man in your wedding, I feel someone has to tell you that it's just not right, man.

What do you mean that you don't eat candles? Your breath smells like candles all the time. We see you during the day and night and your breath smells like candles. How do you explain that? You what? You don't eat candles? Well what could it be, Jim? Pop? What do you mean it's pop? Yeah, go out to your car and grab some. Tom? Tom. Watch Jim to make sure he doesn't leave. He's going out to his car to get some pop.

This is it? This is what smells like candles? Let me have a little sip of this. Oh. Oh. Jim. You drink this? It tastes like a peach candle. It smells like shopping at the mall in a store next to the candle shop. This drink tastes like carbonated peach wax teeth. Jim, I'm sorry. I think I speak on behalf of everyone in this room when I say that we're sorry to have brought you out here. You can leave, man. What? Was that? No, I'm sorry. It just sounded like you asked me if I was going to finish that candle over there. Jim. Did you just ask if you could eat the rest of this candle? Where are you going? Jim. You put those votives back in the bag, Jim. You get back here. Don't you walk out this door. Tom?! Where are you? You're letting him leave with four candlesticks in his back pockets, Tom!

"It probably tastes like grapes." I say. "That's what it usually tastes like." I follow up. My friend Dan took this out of the fridge. I told him whatever he picks he has to take the first sip to which he agreed. He took a sip and oh, the disgust on his face. It worried me because we're usually on par when it comes to drinks. I took my own sip and man was he right. This sucks.

So let's draw a picture here as to why I came up with that blanket description. For one, it tastes medicinal. It tastes like something you would rub on a burn you got from making Jiffy Pop and trying your best, but failing, because you put your hand close to the heat. The chunks are in there but the flavor...ugh. It's a mix between plastic and rotten grapes. It's sour and bitter but it tastes as if they made it there by accident and it's not intentional.

This drink, much like that tattoo you have of a Creed lyric, is a mistake.

Enough of the puns, Charlie. You buy a drink called "Sipp" and now you won't stop saying "I have to take another sip. Oh. I think I'll take another sip. Just one more sip will do." Can't you use the word "drink" or "gulp" or something?

I don't know what to do with you, Charlie. I mean, it can't be that good that you want to savor it for...thirty minutes. Come on, Charlie. We're going to be late for the party. Can I help you drink that? Thanks.

You know what? This is pretty good. It's mostly lemon but at the end you get a little bit of the licorice from the tarragon. I don't really know what elderflower tastes like but the drink in its entirety is pretty light. It's sweet, but it's not overly sweet or lemony or licoricy. It's a nice drink. I don't know how you've been mulling it so long. I'm done with my half and I enjoyed it and I gave you a little review. You are just sitting there like a turd saying the word "sip" over and over again. If you make me late for this Power Rangers costume party I'm going to be very upset. You know how long I've been waiting to put my two classes of karate to good use. I might have to do it twice tonight because I'm about to karate chop you in the neck if you don't finish that drink.

Jerry, I know you want everything but you can't have it. You're turning into a spoiled brat and we don't want to start you off on the wrong path. We want you to be a good kid. You don't see me getting everything I want. If I got everything I wanted, I wouldn't feel like I had to work for everything or work so hard. I learned early off that it was important to not want as much. It was important to set goals that I had to work for. Hard work pays off and if you get everything you want you will get lazy and dependent. I want you to be able to take care of yourself and if your mom and dad give you everything you want, you will just assume that you will always get everything you want and we can't have that. I am putting my foot down on this and I am saying that you cannot get what you want this time. I wish I could get what I wanted. Hold on your father is coming.

What's that honey? Oh, thank you. What is this? Iced coffee? Oh, thank you. Oh, it's almond milk, too. That's good; it will keep the calories down. Your father knows that I am on a diet. What else is in this? Oh, dark chocolate. Huh? This...this is everything I would want in a drink. Hold on a second Jerry. I want to try this. Oh. Oh wow. It's pretty good. It tastes like coffee; like it should but it also taste like there is some bitter dark chocolate in there. I can taste the almond milk, too. Wow. This is great. This is everything I would like in a drink. Thank you honey.

Now Jerry, what was I saying? You can't have everything you want but since your dad gave me everything I wanted right here in this one drink, I guess it will be alright for you to have this one thing this once. Don't let it get to your head and don't think that you can have everything now. Just this one thing. No one likes a brat.