Water (208 reviews)
Noah's Sparkling Spring Water Lime
Noah, dude. Did you see this? I know. It's very insensitive. All of those animals stuck on that boat. You listened to the man upstairs, built the arc, traveled for a long time, and then had to resettle. You spend months on a boat with monkeys thinking they owned the place. There was just animal poop everywhere. I know that the documentary maker who added your story to his book, "The Bible" didn't add any of the gross stuff. You would spend most days picking up pooh with a shovel and throwing it overboard. That's not glamorous. Also, people died in that flood. Did the maker of this drink forget that? Flood your thirst? Seriously. People died. I know people that died. This guy took your name and your story and exploited it to sell his drink. You want one? Alright. You can have mine.
What?! You like it? How could you, Noah? This is an insult to your experiences and your story. I know that was a long time ago and you work in a Best Buy now but it's still something you did, something you accomplished. Good lime flavor?! I don't even know you. I suppose you think that it's nice and refreshing because it doesn't have any sugar. What? Dude. Noah. Dude. You've gone soft. Your once calloused hands have softened back up. Alright, I know I'm being hard on you. I'm sorry. While you're back there, can you get me a pair of Beats headphones in purple? Thanks. My customer is going to be sore at me for talking to you for so long and clearly not working and getting the headphones they wanted.
- Website
- http://www.noahswater.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 2/24/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Fresh Healthy Stuff Immune Support Orange Cranberry
Honey, I think that I picked a poor career decision. Look, I love kids. They are adorable and having them as toddlers really allows me to instill good morals and watch them learn from nothing to something. That's all well and good except those little buggers are always sick. There isn't one day when at least one kid isn’t sick.
I am fully aware of this and I do what I can to take care of myself. I wash my hands like a dozen times a day. I drink orange juice all the time. I eat apples in hopes that it truly keeps the doctor away. I even have tried and still occasionally try Airborne since it's from a teacher to a teacher.
I don't know what else to do. There has to be something else. I can't get sick. If I leave, then I have to call a substitute and that never goes well. These kids are less than one year old and they are downright evil to subs.
What's this? Immunity Support? I need that! I love that! Where did you find this? Oh, the store. Well, why did I even ask? I'll try it right here and now. Can you hand me that bottle, please? I can't wait to smash this cap and drop the mix in the water. I love interactive drinks. Dear, I'm liking this drink. It's nicely sweetened and tastes like orange and maybe cranberry but it's good. It doesn't really taste medicine-y and, if anything, might taste a little Flintstone vitamin-y. I love them, though so it's alright.
I can feel myself getting stronger. I can feel those little sneezes and snots just bouncing right off me. Thank you, honey. You are the best.
- Website
- http://freshhealthystuff.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Stevia Leaf Extract
- Categories
- Drink Mix/Concentrate, Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 2/24/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Karma Wellness Water Body Raspberry, Guava and Jackfruit
Carmen hates to take his vitamins so his mom decided to do it the dumbest way possible; make a game out of it. Some parents say something like "You don't get any dessert if you don't take your vitamins." You could do the old fashioned "Go to your room until you're ready to take your vitamins." or something along those lines. It doesn't need to be punishment, either. It could just be something kids have to do. "Look kid. Do you want brittle bones, weak joints, or jaundice? You don't have to know what it is, just take your vitamins. Medicine has come a long way since I was a kid. I'd kill for medicine that tastes like slightly chalky candy. My brothers and I used to throw up when my parents gave us medicine so you take your candy medicine and shut up." That's informative.
Carmen's mom though, she hides vitamins in things. She essentially drugs her kids. I know that sounds bad, but you can't really think about it any better way. This time, she puts vitamins in her kids Kool-Ade and gives it to them with a straight face. No second thoughts. Just “Here's your "juice" kids.” To make it even worse, the kids love it and when they ask for more, she has to string the lie out because she's not going to give the kids more vitamin/juice mix and if she just makes them juice, they're know that it tastes differently.
A lady from the CPS came to inspect the home life of adopted Carmen and they asked how she gave her kids medicine. Carmen's mom didn't hesitate for a second. After tasting it, she saw why she did it. It tasted good. It tastes like a fruit juice and vitamins but the flavor is so good that you don't care at all that it might or might not have vitamins in it. The lady from CPS left leaving Carmen's mom with a warning that eventually she will have to stop doing this because all kids have to take some vitamins.
- Website
- http://www.drinkkarma.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 2/25/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Karma Wellness Water Balance Acai Pomberry
Karma was a stripper who was fantastic at her job but in need of a career change. She was great, though. She could take off her clothes faster than anyone else. That's what makes a good stripper, right? Who can take their clothes off faster? Isn't stripping a race? That's a sidebar. Anyhow, Karma loved fitness and when she wasn't at work, shakin' it, she was at the gym or jogging or eating healthy. She was the model of fitness. She was also attractive enough to be a model. She noticed when she was at the gym that people were just drinking water and she thought that something could be done about it.
So she grabbed some chewable vitamins and drink mix, put them in a little pouch, and started selling them to people at the gym as a type of water enhancer. You would get the hydration you needed from the water, the vitamins that would help you with the workin' outs, and the flavor to make it all go down easier. Francis Frankson was a budding investor who also worked at the same gym saw what Karma had come up with and thought that with some light tweaking, this could be a hit product.
Cut to three months later and the company Karma was born. Francis set Karma up with a bottler and a spring water supplier and found a company that would sell them the powder mix at wholesale and the kicker is that they partnered with a bottlecap maker who designed a cap that would store the mix. People all around would write Karma letters telling her that the Balance drink was a good tasting drink that tastes more juicy than Flinstone vitamin. Success! Karma was an entrepreneur and could leave her job at Bouncin' Booties.
- Website
- http://www.drinkkarma.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Stevia Rebaudiana Leaf Extract
- Categories
- Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 3/8/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Pure Cool Triple Chill
Alright men, this is it. This is the one that we have to win with. Thirsty Dudes have not given us a good review of any of the drinks we've made so this one has to count. Let's give it everything we've got. No fruit flavor since they consistently do not like it. I don't know why. I mean, it's not the best but it's not the worst. So let's do what we do best.
Gentlemen, I see that you've all worn your sneakers, white T's, blue jeans, and leather jackets. Max, I see that you've worn a jean jacket, that's cool, too. What I've gathered you all here to do is make the ultimate cool drink. I'm dubbing it "Triple Chill" and we're giving it all we've got. All chill, no funny business. Let's get to work. We're doing a 24 hour work shift. I'm going to get pizza and pop for everyone for lunch and dinner. A cool set of meals for a cool set of dudes.
Alright. Guys, I would like to thank you for a job well done. You have worked very hard and have made a lot of drinks and I am sending a couple bottles to the Thirsty Dudes. We made this for the masses but we had Thirsty Dudes in mind. Let's see what they have to say.
One week later
Guys! They reviewed it. I didn't even read it. I just printed it out so that I could read it. Everyone into the conference room in five minutes. I'll read it. Here's what it says:
Pure Cool has done it again. A strange tasting minty drink that misses the mark just about everywhere. I don't know what they use for mint but every sip tasted like I was drinking the water out of a urinal. You know when you pee on those urinal cakes and it is that strange minty-ness? That's what this tastes like. I did appreciate no fruit as that would have made this drink a complete abomination. I think that if humans ate plastic, and that plastic was mint flavored, that is what this drink is. Start a fire. Sit back in your nice leather chair and put your feet up. Pop a couple of minty plastic chips in your mouth and enjoy the night. That's what this drink makes me want to do. Ahh, to be a plastic ingesting human is to enjoy a bottle of Pure Cool Triple Chill.
I...I don't know what to say...We all worked so hard. Jim...you tested it, right? It was good wasn't it? Maybe there's just something wrong with the Thirsty Dudes. Yeah, that has to be it. Those guys have a messed up palate. These drinks are great and we are not in denial. They don't like them. So what. We're still in business, aren't we? Then let's keep doing what we do best! Back to work! Pizza for everyone!
- Website
- http://www.drinkpurecool.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 3/10/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Noah's Sparkling Spring Water Berry Pomegranate
Dear The FDA,
Can we get a little stricter on ingredient lists? I mean what constitutes natural flavoring? I could soak muddy rocks in a vat of water, would that fall under the category of natural flavoring? Take this can of Noah’s for instance. It’s a nice little drink. It’s obviously flavored soda water, but the ingredients only like carbonated water and natural flavoring. Since the can also states that it contains 0% juice, I want to know what it is that I’m drinking that is creating that berry pomegranate flavor. I like the flavor, a lot actually. This reminds me a lot of the Dry Sodas. I hate seltzer water, but I really enjoy those, and I enjoy this a good deal as well. The Dry bottles list what is flavoring them though. This is just natural flavoring. Does that mean that they just soaked fruit in the carbonated water and then strained them out? How about a little guidance here? I like this drink it’s lightly flavored sparkling water that makes you feel like an adult, even though it looks like it’s marketed towards kids. If you could get kids hooked on this stuff instead of regular soda, the world would be a better place. I’m just the curious sort. Also, what is this that I’ve been hearing that if a drink has less than 4 calories, companies can now claim them to be zero calories? FDA, you either need to go back to school for some basic arithmetic, or stop being such a liar.
Sincerely,
The Thirsty Dudes
- Website
- http://www.noahswater.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 3/12/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Eldorado Vitamin Charged Natural Spring Water Peach Mango
There is the possibility of two scenarios going today:
1. People eating so poorly that companies are doing their best job to just cram vitamins and minerals into everything we eat and drink. Electrolytes, antioxidants, vitamins C's and B's in everything all the time. If drink companies weren't putting these essential vitamins and minerals in there, would we be a nation of slothy, fat, malnourished people? More so, I mean.
2. Drink companies have been hired by the US Army to breed superhuman by chocking them full of stuff to make them so strong that bullet are repelled from their giant, naturally bullet-repellent skin.
Whatever happens, we're all inevitably better off, right? This isn't the whole "antibacterial" thing where in the end we're just breeding stronger bacteria. We all benefit. Vitamins is vitamins, right, son? Whatever. If all vitamins and/minerals tasted like this drink, we'd be a lot healthier. This is good. It's not too much at all and as a matter of fact I've easily killed this entire drink with no hesitation. Two and a half servings; yeah if I'm a baby. Good mix between peaches and mango, too. It has that 60% water and 40% flavor. Sure, it's listed as "organic flavor" and if you just don't care, just imagine it as organic peach and mango flavors. Imagination helps me through a lot of our drinks. This didn't need it, but it never hurts.
- Website
- http://eldoradosprings.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 3/16/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Eldorado Vitamin Charged Natural Spring Water Black Raspberry
Did you know that I am fluent in Spanish? I’m actually quite the scholar. Give me anything and I will translate it for you. That? Sure I can translate your drink for you. As a bonus I will also translate the flavor of the drink into words you can understand. El Dorado, well that is just Spanish for “The Dorito.” I don’t know why anyone would want to drink something that tastes like liquefied tortilla chips with powder flavoring on them, but I guess it takes all kinds to make the world go ‘round. I’m actually regretting saying that I would translate the flavor for you. This really sounds revolting. Black raspberry Doritos, that just makes me want to vom. A promise is a promise so here I go. Hmmm this doesn’t taste like Doritos at all. It really just tastes like berry-flavored water. Did you know when I was a kid my grandparents had a farm and they grew three different types of raspberries? Yup, there were golden ones, your classic red ones and a couple of bushes of “black” ones (they were really dark purple/blue). I assumed they were just blackberries until the day I bought a container of black berries at the market. There was a definite difference. This surely tastes like the black raspberries my grandparents grew. It’s a different taste than the raspberries you are probably used to. It almost tastes like regular raspberries mixed with a couple of cranberries (minus the bitterness). I actually really like this and it seems that I have drunk your entire bottle. My apologies. I still don’t understand what this drink has to do with Doritos. Perhaps I should write the company a letter telling them it would be wise to change their name.
- Website
- http://eldoradosprings.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 3/19/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Wat-Ahh! Brain
Review part 1: It's just water.
Review part 2: It's more than just water. Here's the thing about water; it's great. It the best drink for you. It's essential for life and energy. It helps clear your skin and wake up energized and all sorts of other things that you probably take for granted. Judging off those points alone, water beats a lot of the drinks that we review. It doesn't really have a taste unless you live in Florida and if that's the case, you probably drink bottled water since your water tastes like someone farted in it. Wat-ahh! steps it up a notch, though. They figured that water existed, let's make something like "water plus" where it has all the benefits and parameters of water, but we'll throw in one bonus element.
This one that I drank was "Brain" and apparently would stimulate the brain with its selective array of electrolytes. I couldn't possibly give this anything bad as it's better than the best drink for you. I don't feel myself getting any smarter but that might be because I spent like three hours playing Saints Row: The Third on "hardcore" and this drink may have just unrecognizingly balanced the dumbening of that. It would also obviously be a regimented thing where you drink a bottle every day for a month to gain the focus you need to actually notice that a change had occurred. I don't see myself doing that because I'm not made of money but if you are ever presented with the option to buy regular water or Wat-ahh! you would be dumb not to pick the latter.
- Website
- http://drinkwataah.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 3/25/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Karma Wellness Water Mind Orange Mango
Medicine is no laughing matter. If you are sick, I suppose that you can laugh when you are stricken with illness and you can laugh that you have antibiotics and your disease will soon be no more. Anyhow, this whole medicine cabinet candy store scenario has gone on too long. People raiding their mommy and daddy's medicine cabinets and taking prescription pills is not a good life. You know that is no way to live your life, right? You know that the pills you took that were in an Oxycodone are actually just laxatives right and now you're going to have the toots. Medicine is not a joke and should not be taken unless prescribed to you via a doctor. Cool? Done.
If you feel the need to take vitamins, those you can almost go crazy with. Vitamins will make it so you don't need medicine if you do it well. Want to have fun taking vitamins? Try some of these Karma waters. The other ones are more juice than medicine. This one is more medicine and serious than the other ones, I've got to say. This was thicker, more opaque, tasted exactly like mango and orange would taste if mixed with vitamins for kids, and probably did the trick.
So seriously, stop it with all the pain medication abuse. Just quit your job at the plant. That will improve your life. Get a job doing something you like. If you can't do it, go back to school and go for it. We don't want anything to happen to you. If something happens to you via overdose on your grandma's old pain meds from her back surgery, it's on you, but I can't say I didn't tell you. Drink vitamins. Have a better life.
- Website
- http://www.drinkkarma.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 3/26/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment