Seksi - 1 Review

As you should know, Jason, Derek and myself made 1.3 million dollars last year. Jason bought a jet in which to tour with the Failures' Union, I bought a red and a black Ferrari Testarossa, and Derek paid back all his gambling debt and bought a gently used Geo Metro. We all wear fancy denim and eat only the finest tacos shipped overnight from Mexico every other day. We no longer drink water, tea, or pop but we drink pearl infused drinks. It has to be this way because nothing else can quench our thirst the same anymore. There is something about the effects of pearls on a man's stomach and face that just makes it irreversible. You can't go back to things that poor people drink like water. We scoff a lot more than we used to now that we've got all this money.

Our foray into the pearl infused drink line is this Seksi drink. It's a decent sparkling drink that does taste like pomegranate but does taste a little odd due to the sucralose. Sure it's the last ingredient on the short list of ingredients but it's strong enough to be somewhat distracting. Either way, this is our drink now because everything else is just not civilized enough.

Next time you see an airplane in the sky blaring nineties-esque indie rock, wave to it because it's Jay on his way to play some fancy, island music festival with U2 and Coldplay. If you see a Ferrari blaring down the road, holler at it and if you are lucky, I'll throw you some drinks at the next stop. If you see a Geo Metro with a bearded dude driving it, don't distract Derek because it pulls left and is a bit sketchy in second and the brakes need some work. Also the sunroof is aftermarket and leaks like a sieve.