Vita Lina (3 reviews)

Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Pineapple

Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Pineapple

The consistency of Vita Lina drinks is so strange. From the look of it sloshing around the bottle you wouldn’t think that it flowed any different from a random drink. You don’t really notice the strangeness until it’s in your mouth. It’s not syrupy. It’s more like a watered down gel, but the viscosity of it is not something that is normal in drinks. I would like to say that I got over it and that it makes the drink fun, but this is my third bottle of their products and I still am hesitant to drink them. I know they taste great, but the consistency just throws me off. It’s not gross. It’s just weird.

As far as the flavor goes, this has a real pineapple flavor to it, without the harsh edge of the fruit. It tastes like of like it should be a pineapple “drink” and not juice. I don’t mean that in a bad way though. Sometimes pineapple juice can be far too acidic to drink a lot of. Once you convince yourself that you’re over the texture of this, you can drink this all day long.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Juice, Other/Weird
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 28th, 2012
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Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Mango

Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Mango

Something happened around the turn of the century where people started to give up on bars of soap. Suddenly they weren’t good enough for people. Maybe people thought they couldn’t get them clean enough or something, either way people left the bars on the shelf and America embraced the new product known as body wash. I am a grown ass man and I will confidently admit that I use body wash. The reason I do is that I have some that smells like red licorice and the aroma is delicious. That really plays no part in this tale though. The important thing here is that the body wash empire got greedy. They were blinded by the new trend and in their minds the entire world would soon turn to their products and bar soap would become obsolete. As a result many of them purchased the ingredients needed to make the wash in obscene surplus. Now that a decade has passed the body wash folk are realizing that they have reached their limit of customers. Those who are not already using their products will cling to their bars of soap until the day they die. The problem was they were stuck with enough warehouses of materials to fill a smaller state, like Rhode Island. Sure they were able to sell the “soap” ingredients to some of the bar companies at a loss, but what to do with the “gel” ingredients? After many late night board meetings a solution was thought up; they would sell the ingredient, which are perfectly safe to consume, to the beverage industry to make drinks with interesting textures.

Vita Lina jumped at the chance to ride the crest of a possible trend of drinks with strange consistencies. They released this line of flaxseed drinks that has a viscosity that falls somewhere between body wash and a normal drink. It doesn’t taste soapy in any way, but the texture is there, and it’s weird. I personally like it a lot. It’s interesting, and I notice that I take smaller sips than normal. A few friends who tried it were not so into it. They couldn’t get past the texture to even contemplate the flavor, which has a nice subtle mango quality to it. I can’t blame them. Even though I like the consistency, I do find it distracting from the flavor. I feel like I can taste texture in this drink, and since I’m not a robot that is impossible. It says it’s a drink, but since there is tea in it, I consider it an iced tea. Truth be told it tastes more like a drink that is not overly sweetened than tea.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Juice, Other/Weird
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 7th, 2012
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Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Guava

Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Guava

Everyone thought that Stephen Lina and his father were charlatans because they sold heath tonics out of a little cart. They were early wave traveling sales men, but unfortunately for them some men had come before them trying to make a quick buck by swindling people out of their money by offering them what were essentials vials of dyed sugar water. The Linas were not con artists like these others. They had similar selling tactics as their peers, but their product actually worked. You see Mr. Lina was a scientist and he had discovered the healing properties of flaxseed. He knew it could be used to help combat ailments that would in the future come be known as cholesterol, diabetes, cancer, constipation, menopause, heart disease and depression.

Mr. Lina could have easily made it public knowledge that flaxseeds could help cure so many ailments, but then his family would stay exactly where they were: in the poor house. He had promised a better wife for his family, so he made up a whole mess of flaxseed tonics, loaded up the family cart and went out to make his fortune with his son. It’s just unfortunate that the time that they chose to go sell their wares was the same time that people across the country were getting fed up with scam artists ripping them off and not healing their problems. The Linas were chased out of every town they went to. They never once even sold a bottle of their flaxseed tonic. Broken and beaten the two men returned home with their tales between their legs to live out the rest of their life in poverty.

It wasn’t until over a hundred years had passed that Stephen’s great grandson David’s interest was piqued when his grandmother told him tales of the traveling Linas. He found his great great grandfather’s notebooks in an old trunk and used his fancy college science degree to make up a batch of “Vita Lina” as his ancestors had called it. It tasted okay, but it needed a little something. He just happened to have some iced tea and a can of guava juice on hand, for some unknown reason, so he added it to the mixture. That was exactly what was needed. What his grandfather had once called a tonic was now a tasty beverage that was most definitely marketable. The guava and iced tea masked most of the flavor of the flaxseed, but it was still slightly there. Nothing about the flavor was offensive at all. In fact if one were unaware of the flaxseed content, they would never be the wiser. The consistency was a bit off though. It was a little thick, our young scientist’s girlfriend most than once announced that it felt like she was drinking body wash when she would take a sip. David didn’t think it was that thick, but he gave it to her that it was thicker than most drinks in a strange way. David eventually teamed up with Simply Originals, to distribute his beverages, and finally his family started to see some money from their ancestor’s ideas. It was a good day.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Juice, Other/Weird
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 23rd, 2012
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