Guatemala - 6 Reviews

The way that some people talk about Tiki parties makes me think that there are some weird undertones at said parties. You know the kind that might involve a bowl of keys and swapping of some sort. Now I'm 99.9% sure that's not the case, but man do people get excited to dress up like they are in Hawaii and drink tropical tasting alcoholic concoctions. I personally have no place at these gatherings and will continue to keep my distance. They can continue to do what they do an if I ever get the urge to drink something that might remind me of palm trees and a warm ocean breeze I'll grab a bottle of Tiky pineapple. Actually, wait…€¦no this is just your standard pineapple pop and it's only the name that puts me in that state of mind. There are many other more deserving beverages to send my mind to paradise. Give me a glass of guava juice and I'm all set.

This is pretty much the same as their US pineapple soda except they use real sugar and it's made in Guatemala. Oh, and don't forget it has a much cooler bottle. It's made with artificial pineapple flavor that does well enough to imitate the real thing. It tastes closer to fruit than just sugar water.

Get out your grass skirts, your Hawaiian shirts and your rum if you so choose people. This winter isn't going to be going anywhere for quite some time, and anything that helps you keep sane I'm okay with. I will continue to hide under a large pile of blankets in read because your fun is not my fun.

While I'm sure the food served at a Guatemalan BBQ would be fantastic to those who feasted on flesh, I'm gonna say that I would be a bit let down if this is the quality of soda they were serving. Grape and Orange pop are the staples of any good backyard shindig, so at least they got the right flavor. They even went as far as to use real sugar. It's just too bad they didn't follow through with the taste. Grape is normally a bold flavor in the soda world, but in here it's almost an afterthought. It has generic sweet soda taste to it and it just seems like not enough of the grape was added. I would politely drink it if it was served to me, but this is nothing I would ever pick on my own. Instead I would be the guy in the corner downing all of the tamales that weren't made with meat.

This is some reverse science at work. You take the common and separate the pieces into something new. I always thought that if you removed lime from the lemon-lime soda equation the result would be carbonated lemonade. This experiment in Crush proved that my hypothesis was wrong. Instead of something that resembles a bubbly summer drink it ended up tasting more like Sprite gone wrong. No, I don't mean that it's bad. I mean that it's like a happy accident. It's as if the machinery that made Sprite misfired and the lime was never added. It has that “major brand” sugar water soda base flavor, that a lot of the little guys just don't capture, but it just doesn't taste like lemonade. The reason for that may be that it contains artificial lemon flavoring. I feel sorry that the Crush corporation is doing so poorly. I mean they must be floundering if they can't afford to use real lemons, you know the cheapest of all fruits.

Lemon Crush is its own thing that fits in perfectly with their other flavors. It's enjoyable in its own way and who can argue with a cool glass bottle like this? I really miss when companies had their own distinct bottle shapes.

There is a royalty in the world of nectars. There are kings, queens, prince and princes in the juice world. The chin of command goes all the way down to the serfs (aka gallon gas station jugs of brine). Somewhere around the middle are the dukes and duchesses. These are the nectars that are still very tasty, but they do not have a pure bloodline. Get it? They aren't 100% juice. Appropriately named, Ducal, falls in this category. It has 25% juice in the form of mango pulp concentrate. It may not be as spectacular as the crown wearing juices, but it's nothing to scoff at. Taking a sip is what I imagine taking a big bite into mango covered in sugar. It's sweeter than you really need it to be, but you still enjoy it all the same. There is no reason to take a knee for it, but show a little respect and give it a nod of recognition.

I have never drunk apple nectar before. Since most beverages that are labeled nectars are basically a thicker version of the juice, I was expecting this to be somewhere between apple juice and applesauce. Excitement ran high. Let it be known that when I purchase a bottle of applesauce I do not eat it with a spoon like a normal civilized human being. Instead I drink it straight from the bottle, and it's glorious. Why dirty your silverware?

Unfortunately this was only slightly thicker than normal apple juice. I would estimate that there is maybe a spoonful of applesauce mixed in with the rest of the drink. It has a little texture, but nothing to write your congressman about. The real downfall of the drink is the added sugar. If there were ever a juice that did not need added sweetener it was that of the apple. Adding sugar to apple juice gives it a weird candy flavor, which is not what I want at all. If this would have been a thicker/slightly more textured apple juice I would have been pumped. Instead it's sweetened apple pulp concentrate that has way to much sugar in it for any self respecting lover of the fruit.

Summer is a great time. Every year I wait for the three weeks a year where it's nice out. It seems that every day someone is having a barbecue or a backyard party or something. People who live in a tropical climate don't know what it's like. They live with it all of the time and don't have anything to look forward to. Summer vacation was the greatest time, every time, because it's so cold for so long. How long do I have to wear gloves and two jackets? Seriously. It's getting ridiculous. Summer is the time for fresh vegetables, fruits, and fish.

I would love to use the word "embodiment", but I feel that might be a bit excessive. It also might just be plain wrong, but this is my review and I can do what I want.

V8...I love it. Now that they have low sodium V8, everyone doesn't have a reason to crack open a can and get some vegetables. It's like a salad without all of the work. This drink is like a spicier, seafoodier V8. Yeah, dude, there's clam "extract" in there. I trust that doesn't mean poop, but what do I know? I feel like the FDA wouldn't approve of American's drinking poop. It's just the smallest bit clammy. Enough that it's recognizable, but also just enough where you don't want to throw up because someone tricked you into drinking clam juice instead of a Mountain Dew.