Corn Syrup (13 reviews)

Hair King Pomegranate

Hair King Pomegranate

This just may be the oddest drink we’ve ever reviewed, at least the oddest “functional” beverage. This is a 3.38oz bottle of a beverage whose sole purpose is to promote hair health care. According to their website this beverage is supposed to help with the reduction of greying and thinning hair. They tell of the science behind this through the use of broken English on their page. I personally do not suffer from thinning hair nor am I going grey, so I can’t attest to whether it works or not, but who am I to argue with science.

What I can report is on taste and I am happy to tell you that it is not nearly as bad as I had anticipated. Like with most shot beverages I expected it to taste like runoff from a nuclear plant, luckily it just tastes like some weird cranberry juice. It definitely has a cranberry base, but it’s not overly tart and there is something else that that I can’t pin down. It reminds me of something I had in my childhood, but I can’t remember what, which is vaguely infuriating. It could just be the sucralose making it weird, but not completely diet tasting. I want to say it tastes like something I won at a pizza place/arcade like Major Magics or Chuck E Cheese, because those sorts of places keep popping in my mind. Perhaps Charles Cheese used to down these things. He always did have a nice coat of fur on him.

As a side note there is a weird notation on the bottle that says, “Hair King Drink does not prevent intoxication.” I would really like to know the circumstances that led them to including that little message.

Website
http://hairkingdrink.com/
Country
Korea
Sweetener
Corn Syrup
Categories
Other/Weird, Shot, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 25th, 2014
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Hair King Lemon Lime

Hair King Lemon Lime

Why am I drinking this? I have fine hair? How do I have such wonderful hair? Well for one, I hardly ever wash it. Call it gross but look at my hair. It's just fine. It's never thirsty and doesn't have any product in it ever. I am drinking this to review and if it gives me even better hair I shall pass the benefits off to you so that we all may have glorious locks day in and day out.

What do I think of how it tastes, though? Well let's see. With every sip I feel like I'm drinking something I shouldn't be. Sure, it's lemon lime but you can get lemon lime Pledge and that's not edible at all. This is right on the cusp of being called "syrupy" so to have it have a strange viscosity and taste a bit like a mix between a kids lemon lime Huggy and a floor cleaner, that's a dangerous place. A dangerous place much like lying in bed with me with the fear of getting your hands caught in my impending more glorious “do”.

Website
http://hairkingdrink.com/
Country
Korea
Sweetener
Corn Syrup
Categories
Other/Weird, Shot, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 3rd, 2014
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Veryfine Chill Fruit Punch

Veryfine Chill Fruit Punch

Sometimes my friends, the bargain just isn’t worth it. You’re in the store looking for something to quench your thirst and you come across a tallboy whose label announced it as “Only $1.” The natural reaction is, “Wow, that’s quite a deal. I’d be paying less than five cents per fluid ounce.” The problem with that is, that even if what is contained in the can is the tastiest beverage on Earth, do you really need 23oz of it in one sitting? I understand that the Nutrition Facts state that the can actually holds three servings, but who doesn’t drink it all in one go, or throw out the remainder? If this was a resealable bottle, it would be a different story, but these drinks are marketed for people to grab whilst on the go and no one wants to carry around an open can until they are ready for their next serving.

The sad truth is that this is not only too much beverage, but also it is far from being the tastiest beverage on the planet. It’s a fruit punch that only contains 5% juice. That means that 95% of what you’d be drinking is composed of weird stuff like ester of wood rosin, brominated vegetable oil and of course corn syrup. I know a lot of that is actually water, but still, come on. Fruit punch is not very good to begin with. I was once told that it was the beverage of children and poor people. While I do think there was a bit of racism meant in that statement, I have to admit that I have never seen anyone who was over the age of 15 and well off drinking anything of this variety (unless it was mixed juices at a fancy juice bar, which I wouldn’t consider fruit punch).

This does have couple of things going for it, and they all boil down to the sweeteners used. Veryfine decided to mix sucralose in with their corn syrup to lower the calorie count in the beverage. It leaves it with a slight diet flavor, but nothing unbearable. The big up to that is that it’s a fruit punch that doesn’t feel like you’re drinking syrup.

Overall it still has that generic fruit punch flavor that is like the hotdogs of juices (ie. whatever is leftover). I appreciate the company taking steps to improve fruit punch, but there is still a long ways to go. Also, unless you’re planning on sharing this with a friend, I really hope you plan on pouring a bunch of it out, or have a fridge close by to save it for later.

Website
http://www.veryfine.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Corn Syrup
Categories
Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 23rd, 2014
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Veryfine Chill Berry Lemonade

Veryfine Chill Berry Lemonade

I can assure you my dear readers that lemonade does not have the same effect in winter as it does in summer. There is a reason that it is a beverage that is celebrated in the warmer months. It’s refreshing qualities help to fend off the oppressive heat. Now when you’re standing in a freezing basement watching bands play an a December eve, you may want to rethink your choice if you grabbed a lemonade to keep you hydrated. I simply do not know what I was thinking.

The Chill line is Veryfine’s attempt at the inexpensive tallboy game. 23oz at only $1 is a deal…or is it? I mean sure it’s inexpensive, but wouldn’t you have been content with a nice 12 or 16oz drink instead? Do you really need that much liquid, sugar and calories? Lucky for us Veryfine took that into consideration when formulating this beverage and used a mixture of corn syrup and sucralose to sweeten this lemonade. I must admit that they are two of my least favorite sweeteners, but at least the combined three servings in this can only contain 24g of sugar. A tallboy of Arizona’s lemon iced tea contains 72g.

Perhaps some of you, and it’s more likely most of you don’t particularly care about the healthiness of your beverages. All you want to know if what does it taste like. If you ever hung out at my house whilst I was in high school, you are probably well aware of the ever present jug of blue juice that was in my fridge. What it really contained was an overly sweetened Berry Blue Kool Aid. This drink tastes exactly like how I made my Kool Aid as a disillusioned teenager. The thing is that while I used to dump insane amounts of sugar into my concoction, this will not give you the diabetes. Even though it has sucralose in it, it taste in no way diet. It also doesn’t taste overly like lemonade either. It mainly just tastes “blue.” You know you know what I mean by that too, so do with it what you will.

Website
http://www.veryfine.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Corn Syrup
Categories
Lemonade
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 9th, 2013
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Welch's Fruit Punch

Welch's Fruit Punch

Any time I drink fruit punch I imagine that if I had an array of fruit and hand-mushed them together, could I make a better drink? I'm not saying this is bad, but it's just a common thought that I have. You know that fruit punch came from someone making a fruit salad and then at the end of the day when all the fruit was gone some dared someone else to drink it. That drink was fantastic and from there, people recreated it. Now in the 20th century, people artificially make everything. I think at some point, Welch's probably had a bunch of fruit in a press and mechanically squished it into a vat. Now, they've probably found out how to "make" fruit flavors and it's a much smaller and more efficient operation.

This is a good juice. It's a good punch. It's very sweet and you can tell that it's very sweet. It's got corn syrup, which just seems wrong to me. I don't know why. I thought that Welch's was all natural. I thought wrong. This is a great drink for kids because it's super sweet and super fruity. Cruddy adults don't really drink fruit punch. If someone could somehow formulate an adult-friendly fruit punch, that would be alright with me.

Website
http://www.welchs.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Corn Syrup
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 18th, 2013
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Welch's Fruit Punch Drink , 11.5-Ounce Cans (Pack of 24)

Venom Energy Death Adder Fruit Punch

Venom Energy Death Adder Fruit Punch

Hawaiian Punch energy drink. I don't know how else to describe it because that is exactly how it tastes. Instead of reading me ramble incoherently, you should listen to The Best Show right now because they are having a fundraiser tonight and those shows are always entertaining: http://www.wfmu.org/playlists/BS

Website
http://www.venomenergy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Corn Syrup
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on March 5th, 2013
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Welch's Juice Coctail Cranberry

Welch's Juice Coctail Cranberry

You know what's nice? Not having a urinary tract infection. I know that it goes without saying but once you've been through living at college, you learn a thing or two about them. Number one is that you can't drink cranberry juice without at least thinking of one. This drink reminded me of a urinary tract infection unfortunately but it doesn't hinder my opinion of it, as it was good. It was nothing special as it was just a cranberry juice, but it was nice. A juice is a wonderful thing when you spend all your time drinking pop and other things. That being said, I just read the back of this and there are 280 calories in it and now I'm upset that I drank the whole thing. I thought this would be healthier. I don't know why Mr. Welch used corn syrup but I think that I drank it fast enough that it was cool enough to still be enjoyable.

This is good. I could have stood to drink half of it but hey, what are you going to do now, right? Nothing. That's what.

Website
http://www.welchs.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Corn Syrup
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 2nd, 2012
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Welch's Cranberry Juice Cocktail, 10-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 24)

Venom Energy Black Mamba

Venom Energy Black Mamba

It’s official I am now terrified of black mambas. I was all, “Oh, they are just venomous snakes. You get bit, someone sucks out the poison, or you get some antidote and you’re good to go.” Think again friendo. The black mamba is one of the most deadly venomous snakes in the world. If you get bit, it can take less than 20 minutes to kill you, and according to the internets, which we know never lies, “Chances of surviving the bite is less than none.” On top of that that are between 10 and 15 feet long. That is one big friggin` snake. It’s terrifying I tell you.

Knowing the above information I now think this drink’s tagline should be “Chances of feeling tired or sluggish is less than none.” Except they would spell less “lessssssss” to imitate the sound that snakes make, or don’t really make in real life. This looks like a tiny can, but it’s really the same amount of liquid as a normal size Red Bull. They are just pulling some spatial magic. I believe it’s supposed to be a fruit punch flavored energy drink, but it tastes more like red Pixie Stix. I’m okay with that, and so should you. Sure it’s got a bunch of artificial ingredients in it that would probably poison you if you consumed them in a large enough quantity, but hey they call it Venom for a reason. Now drink up and face the snake. Okay that was a better tag line. Someone really needs to hire us to write copy.

Website
http://www.venomenergy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Corn Syrup
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 7th, 2012
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Venom Energy Drink - Black Mamba

Venom Energy Killer Taipan Mango

Venom Energy Killer Taipan Mango

I was born a snake handler, and I’ll die a snake handler. Some do it for spiritual guidance. I do it for profit and energy. You see, what most snake handlers don’t know is that if you take the venom of specific breeds of snakes and mix them with the proper ingredients they make one heck of an energy drink. Recently I’ve been into the sweet juice produced by the taipan. A lot of people have compared the taste of it to mangos, but I really think it has a bit of a pineapple zest to it. I see the mango there too, but if anything it’s a hybrid of the two. After I mix it together with my other ingredients it tastes like someone mixed a cheap pineapple soda with some mango juice. It’s fairly tasty and the energy boost it gives you is decent enough.
So anyways, every couple of months or so I hop on a plane over to Australia, wrangle up a whole mess of the small slithery creeps and extract away. When I have it all ready I fill up a bunch of vials and umm..hide them on my person. Customs doesn’t take to kindly to people smuggling snake venom over international borders. It’s an uncomfortable 20-hour flight, but as I said I’m hooked on the snake juice. Sure it’s a hard life, but the end results are worth it. You should see my arms. They are more scarred up than a 15 year-old art student who only listens to what Robert Smiths tells them to do. It’s not a pretty sight.

Website
http://www.venomenergy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Corn Syrup
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 18th, 2012
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Welch's Blueberry Kiwi Blast

Welch's Blueberry Kiwi Blast

Here is a story that may make you think that I was once and possibly still am a savage. In the early 2000's I started my life in touring bands. At the time I was completely broke, but all I wanted to do was tour as much as I could. As a result I rarely ate. After my first month tour I came home and I had lost over 15 pounds. My mom said I looked like a skeleton. I see it as worth it. I spent that entire tour eating basically nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We had a cooler in the van that had a bottle of barbeque sauce in it along with my PB&J. It created a very unique smell. It was so strange. In those adventures I always had Welch's grape jelly. There really is no point to telling that story other than I had a cooler in a van that I lived in that reeked of Welch's grape jelly, peanut butter and barbeque sauce and that is kind of gross.

This is my first go at a Welch's non-grape drink although it does have grape juice in it. Would there be an impending lawsuit if there weren’t? I was expecting this to be a very bland generic fruit drink, but you can actually make out all three of the fruit flavors. It's mostly grape and blueberry, but there is an aftertaste of kiwi, which is pretty rad. I can't say that I would drink this very often, as I tend to pick juices that don't have added sugar in them, but in a pinch this works just fine.

Oh yeah I finally found a use for that barbeque sauce. I would up getting a bunch of veggie chicken patties that I would put on the dashboard to defrost/warm them up. Slathered in barbeque they were a little bit of okay.

Website
http://www.welchs.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Corn Syrup
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 9th, 2011
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