Poland (6 reviews)
Vavel Blackcurrent
You know it was really nice meeting you, Sam. You know what? I will go home with you. Let's get in this cab and head back to your place. Oh...you live here? This is a rough part of town, isn't it? Well, I feel safe with you so let's just get inside quickly because that guy over there across the street has shifty eyes like in cartoons where a dog has shifty eyes because he's up to no good.
Oh, this is...this is where you live? Oh, no...It's nothing...I just...well I just thought because you were so well kempt that...you know...your house would be, too. It's fine. It's fine. Let's just get to your room. Sam, why are we going in the basement? Oh...it is damp down here. Is that pipe leaking? Why does it...no...nevermind. No...I can't say it. You know what? I might go home. All of a sudden I don't feel so hot...well I was going to say it smells a lot like sweaty feet down here. Man it's damp down here. Do you have like seventeen humidifiers running in here?
Please don't tell me you sleep on a twin mattress on the floor. You do? Sam. Come on. You have a $400 watch on, $200 shoes, and nice clothes. Why do you live like this? How can it smell like feet so much down here! Jesus! Yes, Sam. Thank you. I will have a drink. I'm going to need it. Thanks. Is this red wine? What is it? Black current? I don't know. Oh, it's just juice? Alright. Ugh. What is going on? Is that the way this drink tastes or is this cranberry juice made with someone's old, sweaty feet? There is too much going on. Is this juice bad? Did you serve me old, bad juice? It's not expired. Look, once it's in my mouth, it just tastes like a liquid version of those delicious canned cranberries you eat on Thanksgiving. When you bring it to your mouth though...feet.
Sam. I can't do this. I'm sorry. You have a good nice and it was really nice meeting you. I'm going to call a cab and wait on your front stoop and hope that the shifty guy outside doesn't come towards me or I will kick him so hard he's going to be shifting in places he wishes he wasn't. Good night, Sam. Please lose my phone number.
- Country
- Poland
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 2/16/2012
Blu Sugar Free Energy Drink
Matt loves going to dance clubs. He loves dancing so much that he weaseled his way into a job as a bar back at his favorite club in town, Blue Monday. Yes, they are so original that they named themselves after New Order's most well known song. They even host "New Order Mondays". It's pretty absurd if you ask me, but the kids seem to like it.
Another interesting thing about Matt is he's straight edge. He gets made fun of a lot for being around alcohol all day long, but he doesn't care. His love for dancing overrides his distaste for alcoholic drinks. Since he's been working at Blue Monday for so long, they started taking his suggestions for non-alcoholic drinks to stock. The owner was pretty loyal to Red Bull for a while, but when Matt told him there was a line of energy drinks called "Blu", he jumped for joy. Literally, he leapt into the air. I wasn't there, but I know the bartender on at the time and he said it was really weird.
A few weeks later they got their first shipment of Blu energy drinks. It was a huge success. The post-ironic crowd the club drew loved the idea of drinking Blu energy drinks, inside of a club called Blue Monday, while the song "Blue Monday" by New Order was playing. Occasionally they'd also play "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" by Eiffel 65 to mix things up a bit. It was really gross.
Last time I was there was for the opening day of New Order November (don't ask). They were all out of the other flavors of Blu so I tried the sugar free version for the first time. I was expecting it to be gross, but it wasn't that bad at all. It tasted really similar to sugar free Red Bull. I'm glad to see my friend Matt is happy and the club is doing well with their Blu energy drink sales. I just hope someday the owner will realize that irony is dead.
- Website
- http://blu4lifeusa.com
- Country
- Poland
- Sweetener
- Aspartame
- Categories
- Diet, Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 9/29/2011
Square Peach Carrot
Remember when carrot juice started showing up in mainstream consumerism? My first memory of it was in V8 splash. I was shocked because my sister who won't eat anything and has a natural abhorrence of carrots started drinking it all the time. My sister and carrots are like Dracula and Van Helsing, so you can understand my confusion. She claimed it didn't taste like carrots at all, but I could surely taste them in there. I think she would probably ignite as if daylight were touching here skin if she ever had the Bolthouse Farms carrot juice. Now that is straight up liquefied carrots.
So here comes Square with their fruit and carrot combinations. Mike loved their apple & carrot drink, and he told me I should check out another one of their flavors, and here I am. I would have preferred that it was more than 30% juice, but you take what you can get. There is twice as much carrot in here as there is peach juice, yet peach is the stronger of the two flavors. There's a nice subtle carrot undertone, which I appreciate. Maybe it's better off that it's not 100% juice. The carrot flavor may be too overpowering in that scenario.
My only real complaint with this is that sugar is the second ingredient. I get it, people like sweet drinks. That's not my complaint. It's the fact that further down the list they also threw in glucose-fructose syrup. Does that really need to be there? I'm sure it would have been sweet enough with just the sugar.
- Country
- Poland
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 1/22/2011
Square Apple Carrot
This has been in my fridge for about two months. I haven't been scared as I thought that I wasn't going to like it as much as I did. Truth is, this was very good. You get a lot of apple juice and a little carrot. Have you ever juiced anything? Firstly, a juicer is a terrible invention. In my personal opinion and experience, you can buy 15 bottles of V8 for the cost of buying a cheap juicer and one serving of fruits and vegetables. I once went to the grocery store to buy stuff for a juicer and it came to over $20 and made some gross juice. This doesn't taste anything like V8 but it is good. Sweet and apple-y but you know there are carrots in there, and you're fine with it. Is it good for you? Better for you than a lot of other stuff that we've been drinking.
- Country
- Poland
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/15/2010
Tymbark Drink Blackcurrent
How do I describe the smell of this drink in a way that you could understand? Red wine mixed with body odor. I'd say that does it justice.
Taste? Kind of like a grape juice. Like a red grape juice, not like a white grape. Not a lot of body or presence either which is kind of strange. There's no bite or sharpness or bitterness or tartness or anything.
Now myself, and possibly you, have no idea what a blackcurrant is. To me it kind of looks like a purple grape on the carton. I don't know what it tastes like to base the flavor of it, but I assume that the actual fruit has some sort of character. This just feels a bit lacking. It's got a lot of flavor though so you could possibly use this as a mixer.
- Website
- http://www.tymbark.com/
- Country
- Poland
- Sweetener
- Sugar and or Corn Sweetener
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 10/18/2010
Tymbark Apple and Mint
This is a tough one. I've got a generous glass and I'm torn. It has a very strong mint taste. It's very cool both to your nose and your tongue. Don't think of it as "apple mint" juice; think of it as apple juice infused with mint. It's a pretty artificial mint taste but they say that it's natural mint. It's a strange peppermint if it's peppermint at all. It's not spearmint. I can tell you that for darn sure. If you slam it, it's a strange apple juice, but if you mull over it, you get the mint before and after. I like the tart apple-ness in the middle to break it up. I'd say give it a try. It comes in a resealable carton, which is convenient.
I found this in the Polish section of a grocery store, so if you're jonesing to try it, check there first.
- Website
- http://www.tymbark.com/
- Country
- Poland
- Sweetener
- Sugar and or Corn Sweetener
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 9/30/2010
