Pure Cane Sugar (124 reviews)
Caruso's Legacy Gourmet Soda Robusto Root Beer
The Caruros are a family that means business, just look at that photo. The man looks like he’s a pleasant enough chap, who enjoys a good time, but his wife looks as if she doesn’t take guff from anyone. It is because of this combination that they were able to achieve and uphold a level of quality in their sodas.
With this root beer they were not out to invent something new, they wanted to keep things tasting classic, and to make it in the same way. Many companies nowadays use “root beer extract” or some such thing to get a generic root beer taste. When companies do that their product suffers from mediocrity. The Carusos took their time perfecting a formula and then ran with it. It’s full bodied with a nice wintergreen aftertaste. When I got closer to the bottom of the bottle it had a kind of woodsy flavor that reminds me a lot of the Sprecher sodas. This blows their root beer out of the water though.
Now go and wash up. It’s dinnertime and you don’t want to keep Mrs. Caruso waiting.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Pure Cane Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 13 hours, 33 minutes ago
Sort This Out Elvira's Lemon Slime
Fourth grade. What a joke that was, right? Homework cuts into all your serious Mortal Kombat time and all you want to do is play with your friends. There are bikes that need to be ridden, tree forts that need to be built, and football that needs to be played. No, your English teacher thinks that Arthur Miller is more important than building friendships and burning wood with a magnifying glass. All you want to do is go outside in the late spring sun and eat Freez-e-pops with your friends and play basketball.
What's that? Your daddy brought you a new bottle of pop that you've never seen with quite a sexy lady on it and gave it to you with a wink. What was he thinking with such an erotic bottle? Lemon Slime? Gross, and awesome. You can't wait to sink your teeth into this. You open up the bottle being careful not to spill any on your homework. You take a sip and love it. It's so sweet and tastes like a green popsicle. You drink half the bottle and continue reading. Your mom comes in to see how you're doing and sees the rather erotic pop that your daddy brought and instantly disapproves, taking the bottle from you. On the way down the stairs, your mom takes a sip and is disgusted. It's so sweet and tastes like a green popsicle. She couldn't possibly drink a whole bottle of this herself, as it is just too much to handle. She dumps it down the drain only to be seen by your daddy who gave that to you as a little "man to man" drink. Alas, it will be a few years before your mom lets you watch anything with Elvira in it.
To be a kid again, right? You can endure all the sugar thrown at you but as you get older, you just can't do it. Don't grow up, theoretical kid. Stay young forever.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Pure Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 4/10/2012
Multi Vitamin Enhanced Water Lemonade
America has decided that they are simply too cool to take vitamins in pill form. There was a public hearing and it was decided that vitamin pills were just too 80’s, and not in the “cool” we dress like complete morons way. They were fed up, and demanded something simpler, because as you may know they are a lazy bunch. The FDA suggested that if they did not want to take their vitamins they should simply start eating better. If you’re getting everything you need from your food, supplements are completely unnecessary. America laughed in their face. They chuckled as they said there was no way in hell that they were going to give up their Big Macs, their pork rinds or their Double Downs. It was a sad day for America indeed. Then someone had a stroke of genius and decided to start putting vitamins into drinks. People could easily consume all of the vitamins they needed for the day in one convenient bottle. More importantly it was a drink for this decade, not the stupid past. Thus Vitamin Water and the like was born.
Not long after a million other companies started doing similar things. Some were great tasting others belonged in the filth can. Sadly Multi Vitamin Enhanced Water is closer to the latter. What we have here is a lemonade-flavored water. No it’s not just lemonade, it’s like watered down lemonade with a whole mess of vitamins thrown in the mix. The label boasts that there are “more vitamins in every bottle.” That is definitely true because you can taste them, and it’s not a good scene. In other companies versions of these drinks the flavor of the drink masks the taste of the vitamins. When you drink this you may be confused and think that someone put poison in your supposedly refreshing beverage. This is like the end of Planet of the Apes, but in beverage form. We finally did it. We got rid of the need for pill vitamins, but now it’s been replaced with gross tasting beverages.
- Website
- http://www.newyorkicedtea.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Pure Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Lemonade, Sports/Dietary Supplement
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 3/24/2012
Joia All Natural Soda Pineapple Coconut & Nutmeg
I am about to embark on an epic journey across the entire country. After 10 months living in Buffalo, I've decided to pack up and move back to Portland, OR. I would like to say it's because of the crappy season the Bills had, or that I need to take one for the team and review all the Hot Lips soda flavors and the only way to do that would be to move back out west. In reality, I just miss Portland. Plus my best friend (the one who helped name this very website you are reading) lives there and I miss her dearly.
I decided to review this soda as my last drink in Buffalo. I love all three ingredients and after the stellar reviews we've been giving Joia, I was pretty sure this was going to be a homerun. The pineapple/coconut mixture is the most prominent, but sadly the nutmeg is nowhere to be found. I would have settled for a subtle nutmeg aftertaste, but it is literally on the back of a milk carton. Just like the last Joia soda I had, the last ingredient was the one I was most excited for. But both times, I was let down.
- Website
- http://www.joialife.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Pure Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 3/7/2012
Jones Dwarven Draught Root Beer
Gilius Thunderhead was a strong dwarf who was an accomplished blacksmith. He became so strong became he was always wielding a hammer against an old fashioned anvil. He made swords, axes, railings, and everything in between. His favorite things to create were double-edged axes because he could get artistic and put all sorts of intricate filigree within the metal.
To unwind, he enjoyed drinking root beer. Sure, he's a short, tough guy, but he enjoys his sweets just like anyone. The company appreciated him buying case after case so much that they renamed their super-successful root beer to "Dwarven Draight" and Gilius was more than pleased. He liked the root beer because it was sweet, had a bit of complexity, and the taste stayed with you for a while.
The only group that he wouldn't share his root beer with was the Death Adders because they killed his brother and were generally quite mean and tactless. If you could hear the jokes they would make about minorities you wouldn't as much as share a stick of gum with them. Terrible, terrible people.
- Website
- http://www.jonessoda.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Pure Cane Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 2/13/2012
Tommyknocker Root Beer
Franklin loves pancakes. He can’t get enough of them. Some people have breakfast for dinner once and awhile as a treat, but Franklin has had pancakes for every meal for the past decade. You see his mother didn’t approve of them. You see Franklin’s father left her for the waitress who worked at the diner that would go to every week after church. Every week he would order a half-stack and silently flirt. One day he ordered a full-stack and once he polished them all off he announced that he was leaving the family, grabbed the waitress by the hand and disappeared into the summer sun. Franklin’s mother never really recovered. To try and save face she blamed it all on the “devil’s flapjacks” as she called them. From the time he was 7 until he left home at 18 Franklin never tasted another johnnycake. He would never let his mother know the truth, but as soon as he left home his obsession took hold and he ate battery goodness at every chance. He would drown them in maple syrup and just dig in. Sure he gained a lot of weight, but wasn’t it worth it for that forbidden fruit?
Franklin eventually got a job at Tommyknocker soda brewery. He started as janitor, but slowly worked his way up to brewmaster general. It was then and only then that his genius was released on the world. Franklin put together a recipe that was sure to turn the soda world on its ear. He somehow successfully combined the nation’s love of root beer with his own love of pancakes. Don’t ask me how, I certainly don’t know. He keeps his recipe locked tightly in the safe that is his mind. All I know is that the Tommyknocker root beer tastes like a nice vanilla and licorice heavy root beer that has been infused with liquefied pancakes that had drowned in a sea of syrup. It’s strange. I’m not a fan of maple syrup myself, so I’m not a huge fan of this, but if you are this will leave you in a sticky sweet heaven.
- Website
- http://www.tommyknocker.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Pure Cane Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 2/9/2012
Texas Tea Fredericksburg Peach Tea
I woke up today with a sore throat. I thought it was just one of those morning sore throats and it would eventually go away. I'm sad to say that it's not, 7 hours later and it still hurts. What does this have to do with this tea? Well I learned the hard way that drinking a sugary drink does not help a sore throat. In fact, I probably made it worse.
I wish I had waited until my throat wasn't hurting to drink this because it's pretty delicious. It has a really strong and juicy peach flavor to it. It's possibly one of the best peach tea's I’ve ever had. Sadly though, it hurts my throat with every sip. Now I'm trying to retrace my steps to try and figure out how I might have gotten a sore throat. Wish me luck.
- Website
- http://www.teasoftexas.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Pure Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Iced Tea
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 2/8/2012
Tommyknocker Strawberry Cream
Gnomes enjoy mixing fruits and creams. Reason being they live in a region that encourages growth of all fruit year round. They also work for a large creamery owned and operated by gnomes. Seriously, everyone that works or is affiliated with the creamery is a gnome.
Gnomes are partial to strawberries and they thought that it would be a good idea to mix their finest cream with their regular strawberries. This led to the creation of this pop. Problem is that the gnomes have remarkable taste buds. Think of the way dogs can hear awesomely.
Us average sized people do not have the fine tunings of a gnome and therefore the flavors of this pop is lost on us. Everything is dumbed down and it tastes sweet and then as an aftertaste you get a tiny bit of strawberry.
Gnomes don't quite though so this pop will be made until the creamery closes it's doors for the last time. For the gnome’s sake, I don't want that to happen. I just don't want them out of work, you know? These are tough times.
- Website
- http://www.tommyknocker.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Pure Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 2/5/2012
Sort This Out Elvira's Crypt Keeper Cola
We are gathered here to celebrate the unholy alliance between Elvira Mistress of the Dark and the Crypt Keeper (you know the bony guy from Tales From the Crypt). I for one would like to say it's about time these two teamed up and I am glad that they found love together. Wait, what is that? The Crypt Keeper is just a puppet and not a real thing? Well that just makes this awkward. Elvira can't marry a puppet. That won't fly in this state. That wouldn't even fly in Vermont! So we're all agreed that the wedding is off? Good. I'm sorry to waste everyone's time. Feel free to eat all the food, no reason it should all go to waste just because someone didn't do any research on whether or not her future husband is real or not. That's right Elvira, I'm looking in your direction. For shame!
Okay everyone; don't forget your wedding favors. Since this wasn't a traditional wedding, we decided to do things a bit different and had some soda made up. We came up with it fairly last minute and the brewery needed a label quick, so we just called it "Elvira-Crypt Keeper Cola." The printer messed up, as they always seem to do and it ended up saying "Elvira's Crypt Keeper Cola." I guess that makes more sense now anyways. So yeah, grab your bottle and enjoy. It's a smooth cola. We expected it to be fairly dark with some bite, but nope. As I said it's fairly smooth and simple. It actually reminds me of the cane sugar version of RC Cola. Now there's a great cola and anything that reminds me of it is something I can get behind.
Don't worry Elvira. I forgive you. This ended up being a pretty fun party. You sure know how to liven up the room. Next time just do a bit of research before you pick a potential husband.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Pure Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 2/4/2012
Calypso Natural Limeade
Anyone can drink lemonade. Lemonade is old school. You drank it. Your mom drank it. Her mom drank it. Her mom drank it. That's four generations of the same thing. What about limes, dude? They're there, too. Sprite uses them so why can't anyone else? Sure, they're more bitter, less sweet, and aren't used as much, but that last thing is the reason why they should be. Be a little different. "Oh lemonade?" you say, "No thank you. I only drink limeade." Bam. You've got an instant cult following. "Limeade?! What's that?" they will all ask as you take a sip of this off-green drink, trying not to show your quivering cheeks as they begin to feel the punishment of the powerful limes within this drink.
You are now on top of the pack. Alpha. Pinnacle. Apex. You have discovered limes and have used them for good rather than just a garnish. This Calypso drink you have fallen in love with is simply described as lemonade with limes instead of lemons. It tastes like limes, looks like limeonade would, isn't called "limeonade", and is called "limeade." Congratulations friend, you have arrived.
- Website
- http://www.kingjuice.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Pure Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Lemonade
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 2/1/2012
