Thirsty Dudes :: Sweetener :: Pure Cane Sugar

Joia All Natural Soda Orange Jasmine & Nutmeg

This is the least dramatic Joia I have had. Is it still good? Yes. Is it as good? No. I enjoy the oddities that come from these guys. This one still has nutmeg and jasmine, which, for all intents and purposes, are strange ingredients. What does it do? It makes for some of the best sparkling orange juice I've ever had. I would amp it up, Joia. That's what you do. Ramp it up. Double the nutmeg. I want this to taste like a Christmas orange juice drank inside of a floral wonderland. This is just a great orange juice with fizzles. Yeah. Fizzles. I do what I want. This is great just not as great as I wanted it to be. Still got a four out of five. Even when they fail they win.

Website: http://www.joialife.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Pure Cane Sugar

Categories: Soda Pop

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Mike Literman 2 weeks, 1 day ago

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Poland Spring Nature's Blends Raspberry

Did you know that Poland Spring is from an actual town in Maine, and obviously not from the country of Poland? I really hope you didn't think it was from Poland, because I'm sure it would cost more than $.30 per bottle if it were, you know with duties and taxes and all. Now don't you feel stupid?

Did you also know that Poland Spring is owned by Nestle? On top of that they own a buttload of other bottled water brands, which include Arrowhead, Calistoga, Deer Park, Ice Mountain, Ozarka and Zephyrhills. It's all crazy go nuts university in here.

Since these are all regional brands I wonder if any of the other brands are also releasing a "Nature's Blends" line? I'd be okay with that. This is a fairly simple beverage. It's water, cane sugar and white grape/raspberry juice concentrate. It has a decent fruit flavor, but I could do with even less sugar in it. I am a crotchety old man after all. There is only 5% juice in here, but they label it as spring water with real juice beverage, so it's okay. Basically it tastes like Vitamin Water without all the vitamins. It's really ridiculous that Vitamin Water has become my basis for comparison for so many drinks, but it's out there and everyone knows it. So there you have it.

Website: http://www.polandspring.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Pure Cane Sugar

Categories: Juice, Water

Rating: 3/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper 3 weeks, 2 days ago

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Tribe Tea Green Tea

I sat down with the owner of this company. We had chicken wings at my favorite place. He said he wanted wings and I took him to my favorite place. Yes, I am usually a snob when it comes to food and tourism and indigenous stuff but in the case of wings, I'm a classic man. He took a quick glance of this legendary site and wanted to meet Jay and I. Jay was busy so I met him. Solo mission. Mano a mano, just like the Hall and Oates song.

He told me that he thought I was really going to like this. I think he things that I really hang out in the organic section of the store exclusively the way that he kept telling me this was all natural and was made with real sugar. Today I decided to see just how valid his statement was. Two words. "It was." You can taste everything. Green tea complete with bitterness. Honey and more bitter ginseng. It really makes you look back at Arizona and question why they can't make an all natural tea. They must just be killing it with that green tea but as I drink this, it makes me feel like Arizona is way too sweet and this is where it's at. This is a great tea. Fans of Arizona rejoice that you can break free of the chains and drink something natural. I guess I'll go get dreadlocks and start eating quinoa and tofu for all meals. It's been real, meat and preservatives. That dude had me pegged.

Website: http://www.pushbeverages.com

Country: United States

Sweetener: Pure Cane Sugar

Categories: Iced Tea

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Mike Literman on 4/11/2013

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Ithaca Soda Co. Ginger Beer

There are a decent amount of breweries out that that make sodas along with their line of beers. I always wonder what prompts them to do so. I’m not complaining, but to be honest, I can’t see there being nearly as big of a market for pop as there is for alcoholic beverages. Maybe they do it out of nostalgia, or perhaps they do it because being around so much consumable liquid all day every day makes for some thirsty employees. They certainly can’t sit around drinking the beer all day, or things would most definitely get messy around the brewery. Whatever their reasons I thank them for following through. The soda that comes from breweries is generally of a higher quality than your everyday pops that you find at the corner store. They take more time in making their beverages and it shows in the flavor.

I recently met up with Night Birds to do a mid-west tour. I took a bus to meet them in Cleveland, which caused me to get to town a couple of hours before they were to arrive. When you’re in that town with some time to kill and an empty stomach they only viable option is to make your way to Melt. It’s a gourmet grilled cheese bar/restaurant with a ton of vegetarian/vegan options and a soda list that rivals a lot of bars beer list. After a public transportation mishap and a two mile walk, I found myself sitting at the bar eating one of the largest sandwiches I have ever handled and drinking this wonderful bottle of ginger beer. At first I thought it was really tame, but the more sips I took the greater the ginger burn. I wasn’t disappointed in that department. Actually, I wasn’t disappointed at all. It had a nice natural ginger flavor with a slight burst of lemon. It had more lemon than any other ginger beer I have tried, but it worked ridiculously well with the ginger. It’s also on the sweeter side of most sodas of this flavor, but you know what? I’m totally okay with that.

Someday I will actually make my way to Ithaca. It’s in NY only a couple of hours from where I live, but for some reason I’ve never been there, even though it sounds like a place I would totally love. When I go I shall drown my non-existent sorrows in bottle after bottle of their ginger brew.

Website: http://www.ithacabeer.com

Country: United States

Sweetener: Pure Cane Sugar

Categories: Ginger, Soda Pop

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 4/8/2013

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Joia All Natural Soda Ginger Apricot Allspice

I think that the chronology of it happens like this:

Thirsty Dudes is created.

Some dudes read the reviews and decide they know the key to our hearts.

Joia is created solely to please us.

We find Joia drinks and review them all highly.

All of these drinks are wonderfully handcrafted and include a fantastic blend of ingredients that no other companies let happen. Allspice in a drink? That's crazy. Well, lame drink companies, it's not crazy. It's fantastic. Even if it is crazy, it's done with a logical base and really delivers. You get a little ginger, more flavor that spice, but it's there. The apricot really blasts through but the allspice hangs out with you like the faithful friend. Beginning to end the drink keeps on delivering.

Joia, we know that you used us as a cheat sheet to make "the perfect drinks" but we don't care. Keep up the good work. If this was math class, we would lean over and let you cheat off our paper and sorry about our poor penmanship. If all else fails, answer "C."

Website: http://www.joialife.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Pure Cane Sugar

Categories: Soda Pop

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Mike Literman on 4/1/2013

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Tribe Tea Real Brewed Peach

I believe the scientists who live above me have finally finished their time machine. As far as I can tell they got their flux capacitor or whatever working, traveled back to the mid 90’s to rectify some travesty that took place and brought me back this iced tea to review all in an afternoon. Now I know that time travel is impossible, and messing with anything in the past would have horrible consequences on the future and yadda yadda yadda, but I can see no other explanation for the packaging of this tea. Certainly no one in this millennia would ever think that using tribal print would be enticing to anyone of any age group.

The peach flavoring in this is fairly strong, and there is a ton of sugar in there (57.5g in a 20oz bottle). It’s nothing fancy, but it’s also not supposed to be. I’m actually okay with it flavor wise. If you like really sweet tea and can’t get enough of peaches, I’d happily hand you a bottle of this.

I just made a few calls to several friends who are tattoo artists and all three of them have confirmed that since Y2K they have not been asked to put any tribal artwork into anyone skin. There you have it, time travel is now possible.

Website: http://www.pushbeverages.com

Country: United States

Sweetener: Pure Cane Sugar

Categories: Iced Tea

Rating: 3/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 3/19/2013

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Vuka Renew Mango Peach

Hey you! Yes, you over there. Come over here I have something to ask you. You don’t perhaps find yourself to be an intelligent person do you? Oh, you think of your self as a bumbling idiot? Well, you certainly have a bleak self perception. How about you keep moving along then? Hey you! No, not you self admitted “bumbling idiot,” the guy over there in the red. Dear sir in the red, do you consider yourself to be a person of intellect? You do, good. I have something for you to try; it’s a new energy drink that has been formulated specifically for those with above average intelligence. There are a bunch of flavors that work towards specific functions. Since you look like a man who has been worn out by his day, try this one. It’s called “Renew’ has it has a mango-peach flavor. I know isn’t it weird that it’s mango-peach and not peach mango, like every other drink out there? That’s where the intelligence comes in. Mangos are better than peaches, so they deserve top billing. Would a dummy think of that? You can bet your bottom dollar that they wouldn’t, but then again you certainly wouldn’t be on your bottom dollar because you are no idiot.

The thing about Vuka is that it’s not your average energy drink. It tastes more like a flavored sparkling water with a little something extra, rather than toxic sludge. Who wouldn’t like a sweetened sparkling water that tastes like peach and mango? You got me; the sugar would certainly make it into a soda. See you are smart. It is on the lighter side of pop though. There is a slight aftertaste to it that is reminiscent of alcoholic beverages, but it’s not too terrible. I myself can’t stand the taste of alcohol, and I was able to drink this with no problem.

If you’re concerned about the energy aspect of Vuka, it has the same amount of caffeine and taurine as a comparable sized can of Red Bull. On top of that it also contains a bunch of B vitamins, panax ginseng, d-ribose and grape seed extract. Don’t worry about it. It packs quite a punch.

Now doesn’t that all sound/taste great? Now I’ll just need to inspect your wallet for a quick background check. I’ll run it to our offices around the corner and I’ll meet you back here in twenty. I sure am lucky to have run into such an intelligent gentleman such as you.

Website: http://www.vuka.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Pure Cane Sugar

Categories: Energy Drink

Rating: 3/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 3/15/2013

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Calypso Lemonade

Cathy, sometimes the things you do at dinner really upset me. No, I am being serious. You really embarrassed me in front of our friends. I don't know why you feel like you can just say those things in front of them. Do you feel like you are protected and that I'm not going to say anything? If you have something to say, just say it. I would much rather hear it from you in the privacy of our own home than have you express your issues in front of people.

Look, I don't know why I'm being so hard on you. It's almost February and I haven't seen the sun in months. It really sucks, Cathy. It's not your fault. What's that? You bought me something at the market before we went to dinner? That's sweet of you. What is it? Oh, lemonade. That's awesome, Cath. Thank you so much. I'm going to dive into this right now.

Oh, Cathy. My dear sweet Cathy. You are an absolute angel. This is perfect right now. Lemonade is a summertime drink and I now have a glimmer of hope of making it through another winter. It's tart and sweet but not too much of either. It doesn't have any aftertaste of anything and has all natural ingredients, too. You really thought this through. Good pick, Cathy. I'm sorry about what I said earlier. You know how this weather gets to me. Come over here and let me give you a big smooch. Here, let me whisper something in your ear. Come here......I know you've been cheating on me.

Website: http://www.kingjuice.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Pure Cane Sugar

Categories: Lemonade

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Mike Literman on 1/11/2013

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Cooper's Cave Ale Company Chocolate Soda

I occasionally, well...more than occasionally get behind in my drinks and start "taking from the front." Anyone who has ever restocked shelves knows that is a no-no. Yogurt is expiring, milk is curdling, children are crying because of the results of my actions. Jay came over and set me straight by spending ten minutes in my back room, pulling out all my old stock, organizing my current back stock, stealing a couple drinks for himself, and being a generally great dude as per usual.

Among the old stock was this drink, which I had no idea I had. A chocolate cola: can you imagine? It’s two great inventions in one bottle, ready for my drinking pleasure. Forgotten like it never happened. Poor, dusty bottle. I took everything Jay said needed to be reviewed due to companies sending it to us or expiration date to work and here we are, finally, after all these cold nights alone, together at last. Two objects, looking deep into each other's eyes, wanting each other. Desire. I took off the bottle's top lustfully only to be delivered with what I can only describe in the current context as "me doing most of the work." You feel me, ladies and gentlemen? It's not a great cola in itself. It's not a great chocolate taste in itself. Together cancels each other out more so leaving me looking to find pleasure elsewhere. It smells like a bowl of Tootsie Pops but it only tastes slightly like chocolate. The cola is non-existent.

While I'm not having actual sex with a bottle of pop, if it were good enough, I might at least think about it. This is a regrettable one night stand who is nice outside of the bedroom. She smells good, is a great person to talk to, but you should have never taken it further than that.

Website: http://www.cooperscaveale.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Pure Cane Sugar

Categories: Soda Pop

Rating: 3/5

Reviewed By: Mike Literman on 1/9/2013

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Silk Pure Almond Dark Chocolate

Vegans, you're getting luckier by the day. Your hatred of animals and animal by-products is getting easier stronger and more beneficial. You are no longer segregated to the underground seed and nut parlors of old but now you are welcomed into the sunlight and above ground stores and restaurants. You are treated special without questions asked. Your influence is growing. Soon, no one will look at a cow the same way. Soon, Morrissey will have one less thing to be sad about.

This totally animal free drink is pretty great. Almond milk is thicker than soymilk so it's more "milkshakey" which means "better" in layman terms. I don't get a lot of dark chocolate but I might get "slightly shadier chocolate." I wouldn't give it the credit that it asks for since I am allowed to be critical on my own soapbox. That being said, it's still good.

Vegetarians and vegans, you may dance until the sun comes out for this drink passes the test of a carnivore. I have spoken and it has been said. I hereby sanction this drink as acceptable to all parties.