Jones (48 reviews)

Jones Stripped Chipotle Pineapple Soda

Jones Stripped Chipotle Pineapple Soda

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Chipotle does not need to go into everything. I like a nice smoked pepper taste as much as the next human, and I put chipotle Tabasco sauce on a decent amount of my food, but I 100% do not need, nor want it in beverage form.

This is not horrible. If I tried hard I could probably drink the whole bottle, but something just tastes not right about it, like the time you ran out of milk and decided to pour orange juice on your serial instead. You powered through that bowl, but you did not really enjoy it.

I’ve had chipotle dusted dried mango before (which again was okay, but not necessary) and due to that I kept expecting this to be mango and not pineapple. Even concentrating on the pineapple flavor I still get a bit of mango somehow. Psychosomatic folks. The pineapple taste isn’t as strong as other sodas of that flavor I’ve had in the past either. This doesn’t even taste like chipotle to be honest, it just tastes weird. It has no spice to it, which I would have expected. Well it tastes like spice, but not spicy if you catch my drift. It’s certainly not for me and I’m guessing it’s not for most of you either.

Oh yeah, it’s also sweetened with a mixture of cane sugar, agave syrup and stevia to keep the calories down. While it’s better than it would be in full diet form, it’s still not doing any favors for the taste.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 18th, 2016
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Jones Stripped Huckleberry Soda

Jones Stripped Huckleberry Soda

Anytime there is a soda that is flavored by a berry that isn’t one of the big 4 (straw, blue, black, rasp) I will happily drink it. “Rare’ berries are almost always tasty, and so are the sodas that are based off of them. This is a diet drink that is sweetened with cane sugar, agave and stevia., but I will say that if it were solely sweetened with cane sugar it would be ridiculously good (as long as Jones didn’t go overboard with the sugar, like they seem to like to do). As it is it is still quite an enjoyable beverage, stevia and all. It has a vague off-diet taste, but the flavor of the huckleberry is nice enough to distract your taste buds. It helps that it’s a blend of sweeteners and not only stevia. Jones is doing pretty well for itself.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 26th, 2016
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Jones Stripped Orange Mango Soda

Jones Stripped Orange Mango Soda

It seems to be a trend these days to be healthier. It may just be the best trend of all time. Everywhere I look healthier food options are popping up, including many drink companies making lower calorie beverages and presenting them in a “cool” way and not labeling them as diet. In the past diet drinks were pretty much marketed towards housewives. Now they are attempting to make them more attractive to the general population. Jones is doing so with their “Stripped “ line. The typeface they use looks as though it should say something along the lines of “extreme.” That’s what the kids want I guess.

Another change these days is that in the past a single sweetener, such as sucralose or aspartame, would be used and I’m fairly certain we are all familiar with that diet death taste they would leave behind. A few years ago stevia started to get popular. It was more palatable, but still had a very distinct taste that it added to whatever it sweetened. At some point in the recent history of the world someone realized that no matter how diet drinks were marketed if they tasted more like the sweetener than the flavor of the drink, they weren’t going to change many minds. This genius decided that while most people wouldn’t drink zero calorie beverages, lower calorie was better than nothing, so they proposed using stevia as well as lower quantities of cane sugar. The result was beverages that I can drink without feeling like I need to run a mile to work off the calories.

The orange and mango flavor in this soda may be on the lighter side of the spectrum, but they are still stronger than whatever diet taste that is barely noticeable. It’s not perfect, but it’s a step in the right direction. As a nation we embrace sugar far too much. I know I just crave it sometimes, but this is helping move us to a place where we don’t need as much of a fix. It’s to soda what methadone is to heroin. Junkies, all of us.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 22nd, 2015
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Jones Crushed Melon

Jones Crushed Melon

Fruity pop in my eyes usually has a place at outside hootenannies but in this case I might welcome it to my other activities because it's awesome. Seriously, it's really fruity but it's melon, man. Melon is a fruity fruit. America, you can't handle the fruitiness. You'd ruin it by putting in corn syrup or blending it with carrot juice. I'd love to give you the credit but let Canada have something. This was picked up by Editor Dan and I after an awesome night dilly-dallying around a 7-11. In two weeks, Jay and I are going back to see Tom Scharpling and Jon Wurster. Who knows what hijinks and activities will be had and what cool drinks we will uncover. It's been a while for us to go as a couple. Hopefully some bahn mi and delicious buns will be ingested.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Invert Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 12th, 2015
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Jones Soda Peanut Butter and Jelly

Jones Soda Peanut Butter and Jelly

Man, I’m so glad you talked me into going to that baseball game. I mean the game itself was just as boring as I expected it to be, but when that guy you brought got that foul ball to the face, man that made everything worthwhile. I mean I guess I feel bad for laughing so hard, but he really just wouldn’t shut up and was being such a know-it-all. It just seemed like it was the universe telling him to shut up, just like everyone around us wanted to.

Oh man, he actually broke his jaw and had to get it wired shut? Now I really feel bad for laughing. You know what he did go on for about 40 minutes about how he loved a perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich, so let me make him one and you can drop it off. First you lightly toast the bread, then you spread peanut butter one piece and a generous amount of grape jelly on the other. Actually he did say about 20 times how he loves his grape jelly, so I better double up on it. Don’t worry that it will be messy, he can’t chew anyways so I’ll throw it in a blender for him. Hmm, I don’t know what would be the appropriate liquid to add to this. I guess grape soda will have to do. Now we blend.

This is actually kind of insane. It tastes like a grape soda, but then you get weird flashes of bread and light hints of peanut butter. The grape soda kept it’s carbonation as well. That dude is going to love this if he’s really into PB&J as much as he claims. Me, I think it’s kind of gross after a sip or two. Oh, don’t forget the crazy straw!

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Inverted Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 30th, 2014
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Jones Soda Caramel Apple

Jones Soda Caramel Apple

Earl loved celebrating…too much. He was the guy at work that would somehow always find a reason for cake whether it be Sheryl in accounting, Sharon in accounts receivable, or Shannon in customer service. Cakes, assorted pies, and trays of cookies always seemed to be in tow when it came to Earl. On Halloween he came in and was very sad. Most of the people in the office were wearing at least some sort of hackneyed cat ears or devil horns. Sheila Larson from the front desk asked what was wrong and he told his sad story.

He was on his way to his car dressed to the nines in a zombie outfit. Full makeup, ripped shirt and shorts, colors contacts, and a well rehearsed limp. He was ten feet from the car and a car drove by and completely splashed him. It totally ruined his getup. His makeup was running, he was cold and wet, and genuinely was not in the mood to have any sort of party.

Lunchtime had come and everyone made their way to the company picnic where the office had decided to have a little Halloween party. Earl walked in and sat down and started to eat his sandwich. Just then, a handful of the women from the office brought him a cupcake with a Jack-o-lantern on it and a tiny can of pop. He looked up and smiled and said thanks. He ate the cupcake and was in a better mood but it wasn’t until he drank that pop that he was back to his normal self. The pop they gave him was a Halloween exclusive flavored like a caramel apple. He had never seen anything like it. He loved to bring in candy and caramel apples to the girls at the office throughout fall so this little can was a treat. He took a couple sips and decided it tasted more like non-alcoholic apple cider with some caramel in it. That was close enough for him. He went outside and no one saw him for about ten minutes. Then, he came back in dressed as a janitor. All the ladies thought it was a great costume and wondered where he got it. Just then, Sam the janitor walked in wearing Earl’s clothes that he just had on. It was a Halloween that Consolidated Cardboard won’t soon forget.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 14th, 2013
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Jones Soda Blood Orange

Jones Soda Blood Orange

Roberta Smith was new to town. She always dressed in black and her schoolmates used to call her “Wednesday Addams” because she wore black, collared dress almost every day. Her hair also looked like she had always freshly put something into a light socket. She always had her headphones on listening to the blackest of metal. When people would ask her what she was listening to, she would say that she was listening to “blood metal” which is not a real genre, but something to get the point across that it was very dark and often morbid. She had patches on her backpack for bands like Danzig, Type-O Negative, Necrophagist, and Cannibal Corpse and many more.

She came to school one day and say alone to eat lunch. She had a turkey sandwich, apple, Star Crunch, and a small can of pop. One of the bullies in the school came over and took the can from Wednesday. She demanded that he give it back to her. He refused and asked her what it was. She told him it was blood orange. He squealed like pig and practically threw the can back at her thinking it was made with real blood. Fed up with the abuse that she had taken, she chased the kid through the lunchroom and tackled him. She opened up the can of pop and started to pour some into his mouth. A teacher came in and broke up the scuffle and the students went on their way. The bully got up as Wednesday went back to the table with an arm full of sticky pop. He said, “This isn’t blood! It just tastes like orange pop and grapefruit pop mixed together! It’s actually pretty good. Thanks, Wednesday!” She smiled for the first time in front of her classmates.

After class, some students came up to her and told her that it was cool that she stood up to the bully and asked if she wanted to come over to their houses and play with dolls. She said, “Sure! Do you want to come over to my house, listen to Slayer and pull the wings off butterflies.” When the kids backed up in disgust, she would tell them, “Just kidding. We aren’t going to be mean to butterflies but we are still listening to Slayer.”

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 14th, 2013
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Jones Soda Red Licorice

Jones Soda Red Licorice

Dear Trick or Treaters of the world,
When you are traversing the back streets of your town, begging for sugary confections I have on request for you. Actually it’s not a request; it’s a demand. You can keep all of your chocolates and suckers, your Wonkas and your Hersheys. I must request that you save all of your licorice and send it to me directly at the Thirsty Dudes offices (aka my apartment). I have no need of Sweet Tarts or Tootsie Rolls, I only need the sweet, sweet goodness of licorice. Let me be more specific, red licorice. You can keep any and all black licorice trash for yourself. Bring me your Twizzlers, your Red Vines and your Australian soft eating varieties. Red licorice is the ultimate candy, and when it comes to ingesting it, I have no willpower. I will inhale an entire package before I know what happened.

The folks at Jones certainly had me in mind when they made this soda pop, as it legitimately tastes like licorice. Sure the flavor isn’t as overpoweringly strong as I wish it was, but it is more than just a hint. The flavor is more along the lines of Red Vines than anything else, and while it’s not my absolute favorite, I can’t really complain.

It’s lucky for me that these are available for a limited time only, as I don’t need this temptation on a yearly basis. Also, anything more than 8oz of this would probably be too much. This candy liquefied and stored in a can with wonderful bubbles soaring through it is as close to a dream come true as any man could ask.

So on November first while you’re sorting through your night’s haul, dump all of your licorice into a box and mail it to Thirsty Dudes International Headquarters. The postmaster will make sure it gets to where it needs to be.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 14th, 2013
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Jones Soda Turkey and Gravy

Jones Soda Turkey and Gravy

Ahh, a bottle of vintage. I'll never forget those days, going to the grandparent's farmhouse during the hot summer months. Working with grandpa bailing hay, cutting dozens of acres of lawn, milking cows, and putting shoes on horses. The later was for fun. It wasn't actual horseshoes. It was my sister's shoes that she brought in case there was some sort of ho down at the town square that she needed to get all gussied up for. Imagine a pony wearing mid-sized heels. It's a treat to see. After a nice, moderate ten hour work day with pappy, he and I would go inside and talk about things like Bill Clinton, Atari, segregation in schools, apples, and the like. We would discuss these topical issues over a nice bowl of turkey caramels until it was time to go to sleep. Ahh those caramels. Nothing is quite as refreshing as sugar free turkey caramels. It just hits the spot after you have a nice turkey dinner with mashed potatoes and peas. You know how awful it is to eat a meal and then wash it down with something that doesn't taste like what you just ate. Oh, I hate it. If I just ate a hamburger, I wish there were some sort of hamburger ice cream that I could eat to keep my palate just where it was.



Pappy, if you're reading this, I don't miss those days and although my friends say that I was missing my youth, I thought that there is only one way to have such course, calloused hands and strong work ethic at ten. Those kids that were spending their youth playing football, having sleepovers, listening to pop music; those kids are soft. We, you and I, we are strong independent men who can take care of ourselves with the lay of the land. Animals? I'll milk 'em all of the day. We're men, pappy. All because of our talks and those delicious salty turkey caramel filled nights.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Other/Weird, Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 9th, 2013
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Jones Soday Holiday Soda 5- Pack (2005)

Jones Soda Poutine

Jones Soda Poutine

There comes a time when mankind makes something that is not needed/wanted. Jones fulfilled this prophecy by creating this monster of a soda.

*Editors note: in the beginning of the video, Mike thinks I say it's in a can but I was trying to say that it was an exclusive to Canada but I don't know how to talk on video because I get nervous.

Without further adieu, here is a video of us drinking this collection of fries, gravy, and cheese curds in a bottle.



Jones Poutine soda was easily the worst soda I've ever had. It's been hours since I drank it and my stomach still hurts and I still feel like I'm going to throw up. I appreciate that Jones sent this to us, but on the other hand I feel like they played a huge elaborate prank on us.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Other/Weird, Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on May 24th, 2013
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