Crush - 7 Reviews

This is some reverse science at work. You take the common and separate the pieces into something new. I always thought that if you removed lime from the lemon-lime soda equation the result would be carbonated lemonade. This experiment in Crush proved that my hypothesis was wrong. Instead of something that resembles a bubbly summer drink it ended up tasting more like Sprite gone wrong. No, I don't mean that it's bad. I mean that it's like a happy accident. It's as if the machinery that made Sprite misfired and the lime was never added. It has that “major brand” sugar water soda base flavor, that a lot of the little guys just don't capture, but it just doesn't taste like lemonade. The reason for that may be that it contains artificial lemon flavoring. I feel sorry that the Crush corporation is doing so poorly. I mean they must be floundering if they can't afford to use real lemons, you know the cheapest of all fruits.

Lemon Crush is its own thing that fits in perfectly with their other flavors. It's enjoyable in its own way and who can argue with a cool glass bottle like this? I really miss when companies had their own distinct bottle shapes.

In the life of a Thirsty Dude one drinks a lot of drinks. I mean a whole lot of drinks. There are gems and there are stinkers. One thing that has happened is that I have found myself drifting away from the old standards, you know the big guys that have been around forever. Instead I drink a lot more boutique beverages, which normally use natural sweeteners. I'm happy to do it, and so is my metabolism.

I couldn't tell you the last time I drank a Cherry Crush (one of the few brands who's flavor precedes their company name when people speak them). I can tell you that when I wore the clothes of an older man when I was a younger man (thrift stores, what can I say?) I really enjoyed this soda pop. Drinking it now, I'm borderline disgusted as to how thick it is. I feel like the syrup they used didn't have enough water added to it. I have no doubt that this is how it always was when I drank it before, but I was ignorant of the other ways soda could be sweetened. Seriously, the thickness paired with the fact that a lot of cold medicines are cherry flavored leaves me feeling as if I should be sick drinking this (Please don't drink this while you're ill, it won't help anything).

After all of that complaining, I have to say this is a textbook cherry pop. It was certainly the first one I ever had as a child. The majority of the populace of the United States would never think anything was wrong with this, as they are used to HFCS sweetened sodas. It's sweet, it's fake fruity, and you get exactly what you would expect from it. It's the standard, but sure the standard could use some updating.

Here's something I don't like: having a non-natural looking tongue or lips. I hate candy that turns my mouth different colors. I don't like blue Freez-e-pops, blue candy, blue drinks. I don't like it. I don't want to look like an eight year old who blatantly just O.D.'d on some awkwardly colored candy.. I know it's happening to me as I drink this but I'm just going to hope that it's not. It's not enough to make it something I would drink regularly, but I will make an exception to my rule today. It's Wednesday.

Aside from my Technicolor tongue, this drink is sa-weet. Anything like this I can feel the child in me scraping at the walls of my poorly constructed adulthood walls, begging to get out and chug this whole bottle and then do something stupid like eat a case of Skittles or make ramps out of scrap wood in the middle of the street. This tastes like candy and smells exactly like how it tastes and tastes exactly how it smells. I guess Crush was bored with orange and just went full party-time and bought into the explosive blue raspberry market, which is a good market for kids but not for adults. That being said, I wouldn't want my kid drinking this because a dentist isn't cheap without dental insurance.

In our modern world full of so many natural and small company sodas made with real sugar it's rare that I will choose a "mainstream" soda. They generally lack an interesting flavor, and the HFCS wreaks havoc on my ulcer. When I was in a gas station the other day and I saw pineapple Crush for the first time I knew I needed to give it a try. Unlike other Crush flavors this actually has some fruit juice in it instead of just artificial flavors. It actually tastes like pineapple mixed in with that fruity syrup that you would expect. It's not the world's greatest soda, but it's better than most big name sodas.

Children gather 'round the campfire and I shall tell you a story from the before-time. As you know before the apocalypse came people lived in houses and there were things called cities. Gas may have been $4 a gallon (Oh yes we had a thing called money that we exchanged for goods and services. Thievery and bartering weren't very prevalent.), but at least there were gangs of marauders terrorizing the countryside searching for the last drops of gasoline to fill their motorcycles of doom.....of doom!

Anyways, in the great north there was a city called Toronto. That city contained a very special and magical place. At the intersection of the roads Queen and Spadina resided a man wiser than most. He ran a little hot dog cart. It wasn't like the other street meat venders though. He had a vision. A vision of a world filled with condiments. He slowly built up an empire of toppings that overflowed from his cart. Before long he had a sign boasting "Over 50 Toppings." It was because of that sign that he was dubbed "50 Toppings Guy." He even had secret toppings behind his cart for those in the know.

From the years 2000 until 2007 he reined Toronto with a tender hand, dispensing hot dogs and veggie dogs alike to everyone who graced his presence. In 2007 a change was on the rise. This marks the beginning of the great hot dog cart war. Prices were slashed to kill out the competition. The number of condiments dropped, because there wasn't enough money in the till to keep them stocked. It wasn't long before 50 Toppings Guy couldn't hold on any longer. In his muppet-esque voice he agreed to sell the stand to the enemy. Many claim this to be the sign that the end of the world was coming soon. Soon the once mighty stand at that intersection became nothing more than a clone of the other stands around the city.

Many folks kept returning to the spot to buy their hot dogs in homage to the once great owner. It was like visiting a gravesite, where you left flowers. Only instead of leaving flowers they left onions and corn relish scattered across the pavement. There was another casualty in that great war. You see 50 Toppings Guy always stocked the much sought after orange soda C-Plus. When he was overthrown the empty can remained in the display that showed what sodas were available. Unfortunately for the mourners when it was ordered they were always handed a can of Orange Crush. There is nothing wrong with Orange Crush. It's pretty much the standard for "normal" orange sodas. It has that flavor that is said to be orange, but when you think about it, it bears no resemblance to the actually fruit. It's more like the flavor of the color. The problem is that it's a let down when you are expecting a superior soda.

Children the night has grown old and the fire is burning low. Let us retire to our lean-tos and sleep lightly in fear of hearing the motorbikes on the horizon. Before we go let us sing our prayer to 50 Toppings Guy.

Hot dog land.
Hot dog land.
You better put that hot dog in my hand.
We're putting pickles on the dogs.
Even though we just put relish on.
Eat all you can in the hot dog land.

Growing up in Buffalo, going to Canada was no big deal at all. It was closer than most suburbs and all you needed was a photo ID to get in the country. On one of my first trips there, I came across a bottle of pink cream soda. I love cream soda, so it really intrigued me. After the first sip, I fell in love immediately. It became a staple for every trip to Canada after that (as well as 'all dressed' flavored chips and Coffee Crisp (before I was vegan)).

It had been far too long since I had a bottle of soda mousse. It is impossible to find in the states, and Portland is not conveniently located 20 minutes from the border. Two weeks ago as I was planning to come to the Chicago Zine Fest, my friend Amy Leigh from Toronto asked if I wanted her to bring me anything from the Great White North. I took her up on the offer and requested a bag of all dressed chips and a bottle of soda mousse. Not only did she deliver on her offer, she brought two of each! I couldn't dream up a better friend.

The taste is just as I remembered it, truly amazing. It's not the creamiest cream soda, but it's really smooth and delicious. My mind is trying to play tricks on me and think that it has a hint of strawberry flavor, but I think it's just due to the pink color. Maybe it's a good thing that I can't buy this at any store, because it's a wonderful treat every few years.

This soda was not nearly as sweet and syrupy as I had expected. Don't get me wrong it's still way sweet, but I expected it to be like drinking a bottle of concentrate. Like most fruit sodas Strawberry Crush takes like candy, and very little like fruit. Unfortunately I do not share the views of Bow Wow Wow. Candy is not what I want, especially in my soda. Really how did Malcolm McClaren go from putting together the Sex Pistols to Bow Wow Wow? I wonder if he wanted candy, and by candy I mean the underage singer of the band. I guarantee she would love this drink. She was a kid and she wanted candy. I say we give it to her in liquid form.