Canada (146 reviews)

Jones Soda The Orange Cola

Jones Soda The Orange Cola

Sometimes you find yourself taking a picture of some animal that is either a donkey or a antler-less moose standing in water at dusk. I think it’s safe to say that if you ever find yourself in that position, things are going pretty good for you. Things are also going pretty good for you if you’re sipping on a bottle of this soda.

Jones has so many flavors that I don’t even know about. I had no idea they even made an orange cola until it showed up (with the lemon lime) at our local Big Lots. I was intrigued as the only orange cola I have previously had is Mezzo Mix, and I love the stuff.

The Jones version doesn’t have as much orange as Mezzo Mix, but I’m okay with that. IT tastes like they took their normal cola (which leaves a little to be desired) and added just a bit of orange. You can definitely taste the orange, but the cola is the main force here. I like it. I love it. I want more of it.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Inverted Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 16th, 2012
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Chubby Crash'N Cream

Chubby Crash'N Cream

This little guy has been staring me in the eye every time I open my cupboard for about a year now. It’s like he’s just been daring me to taste his awfulness. I don’t even remember where he came from, Mike probably…the bastard. I’d like to imagine that he was summoned forth like some sort of drink demon to ruin my day. You may say, “Hey it’s just soda pop in a cute little bottle.” If you utter those words to me I will tell you that A. Cream soda should not be green. B. No soda should be green. It just means that added food coloring to make it wacky. C. Soda that comes in such a small container can be nothing but overly sweetened to the point where It will instantly erode your teeth and give you a terrible stomach ache.

I’m sick of looking at this. I’m sick of being afraid. Today I face my fears and try the dreaded “Chubby” (phrasing).

Oh my god it may be worse than expected. I opened up the bottle and it smelled like a nice pleasant cream soda. I thought to myself, “Hey maybe this actually won’t be so bad. Maybe you’ve just been paranoid.” Then I took a sip and realized the demon had tricked me into taking a large gulp of his poison. It tastes solely like sweetener, with the faintest, faintest hint of vanilla. It has sugar and/or glucose fructose plus sucralose. You can taste it all battling out inside of your mouth, and no matter who the victor is it will not be your taste buds. Damn you Chubby!

Website
http://www.chubbysd.com/chubby%20files/chubby.htm
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar/Glucose-Fructose
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 4th, 2012
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Hype Energy Organic

Hype Energy Organic

Being a Hype Man is no easy job, but what can you do? I was born a Hype Man and I’ll die a Hype Man. My mother tells me she met my father at a concert in the 80s. When I was younger she always led me to believe that my father was Grandmaster Flash, but years later it came out that while she was aiming for The Flash, she settled for Creole, the original Hype Man. Once I learned the true identity of my dad I became obsessed with becoming a Hype Man myself. I went so far as to pitch a reality show to VH1 that would star Flavor Flav, just so I could get a chance to meet him and ask him to mentor me. Needless to say, it worked. I spent years learning the tricks of the trade from “the clocked one.”

Finally after two decades of grueling dedication I am the prime Hype Man for a rapper. For legal reasons I can’t divulge whom in fact I’m hyping until I make my stage debut, but you would be shocked and awed. We’ve run through the routine a million times, but I still get nervous. When I called Flav for some words of encouragement he hipped me to this drink. It really is shocking that for how he is obsessed with organic food, even though he put just about every drug into his system. He won’t even drink a Red Bull now. He claims this drink gives Hype Men the energy they need in a healthier way and it tastes rather unique. I have to agree with him. It tastes like someone liquefied a whole mess of Double Bubble Gum and mixed it with some apple juice (and a little bit of that energy drink flavor). It may sound gross, but it’s actually quite delicious. If this was the first energy drink I ever tried I would probably initially think it was gross, but being well versed in the flavor this is a great change of pace. It doesn’t taste very chemical, and when it’s ice cold it’s a nice shock to your taste buds. Best of all is it doesn’t have that chemical energy drinkness to it.

The crowd is getting restless. They need me. Me! I must go out and pump them up and add my little exclamations and interjections to my boss’s raps. The world isn’t ready for me with the little extra Hype I got from this energy drink.

Website
http://www.hype.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Organic Cane Juice
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 1st, 2012
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Jones Soda Doctor Jones

Jones Soda Doctor Jones

I had a lot of little things on my “To-Do” list that involved things I could do, sitting at a computer (color separations for screen printing) or just sitting around (cutting pants into shorts), so I decided to curl up on the couch with Temple of Doom and a nice frosty bottle of Doctor Jones. Now that is a winning pair if I’ve ever heard of one. Speaking of pairing do you think a high quality Dr Pepper knock off would go better with Snake Surprise, Black Beetles, Eyeball Soup or Chilled Monkey Brains? Yeah, you’re probably right, a nice Doctor Jones/Monkey Brain float sounds just wonderful.

Jones really did a great job with this soda. Normally knock offs of this variety have something a little off about them that let’s you know that they didn’t get the recipe quite right. This on the other hand is so similar to Dublin Dr. Pepper that I don’t know if I could taste the difference in a blind taste test. Remember those? Do any companies still do them? If so please get a hold of Mike and I because we would love to participate.

Here’s a little insight into my psyche for you. When I was a pre-teen I was obsessed with Indiana Jones. I bought my mom’s boyfriend a hat like the one Indy wears without even a thought as to whether or not he liked the movies (of course he did, he’s not a communist). I also took a summer archeology class. It wasn’t as exciting as I wanted it to be. I think they should have buried bottles of this soda out in a field and had us go dig them up, carefully as to not break the glass. I would have been more pumped about the class then. I’m more of a field agent instead of a classroom snoozer.

One final thought. Two of my biggest heroes (Indiana Jones and Peter Venkman) are both doctors. I really need to sign up for one of those online fake colleges where you can get real degrees that no one takes seriously. That way I can legally get Dr. Jason Draper put on my license. How sweet would that be? I could also carry around a sweet whip and a proton pack. Even sweeter.


ppppps. It would be criminal if I didn't say this. "No time for love Doctor Jones."

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Inverted Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 9th, 2012
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Jones Soda Ginger Bread

Jones Soda Ginger Bread

Drinking this on July 1st may have been a bit of a mistake. It’s nearly the furthest one can get away from Christmas, and this is certainly a winter/Christmas soda if ever there was one. It smells and tastes like liquid gingerbread cookies. Actually it tastes like the gingerbread equivalent of vanilla extract. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the essence that came in a little glass bottle that was added to cookies to make them taste like gingerbread. It’s a bit much. I did enjoy the taste, but it was so strong that I couldn’t get through half of the bottle, and I ended up sharing the rest with everyone.

On a separate note, do you think they got the picture on the label submitted to them before they had the idea for this flavor? Did the picture inspire the flavor? I’d like to think so.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Inverted Cane Sugar
Categories
Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 2nd, 2012
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Koala Sparkling Fruit Beverage Raspberry & Guava

Koala Sparkling Fruit Beverage Raspberry & Guava

The Canadian government has recently shipped hundreds of koalas into their country. Originally they wanted to give the country a make over. People were getting tired of being associated with moose and beavers. They wanted a cuter image. Unfortunately the koalas tried to wage war on the beavers, and even though they were tired of the image, beavers are still are a sacred creature up north, so they couldn’t allow the war to happen. As a result they moved the koalas to warehouse buildings where tropical fruit was grown under unnatural conditions. The koalas were trained to pick the fruit and to prepare it for juicing. This didn’t work as well as the officials had hoped since the animals spend a majority of their day sleeping. There was not nearly enough fruit prepared to make a straight up juice, so a brainstorming session took place and it was decided to use the fruit they had to make flavored sparkling water.

Now I certainly would have preferred juice to flavored sparkling water, but I can’t blame koalas for doing what comes natural. I can blame them for adding too much sugar and this tasting more like cheap soda than a sparkling water. It does have a guava/raspberry taste, but the added sugar takes away from it and leaves you knowing that if you spilled it all over the place you would have one hell of a sticky mess on your hands. Since this couldn’t be juice I wish it had been subtler. As it stands I can’t get through more than a couple of sips a sitting.

Country
Canada
Sweetener
Liquid Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 19th, 2012
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Brio Granita

Brio Granita

The Italian community in Montreal had had enough of the sodas that were available to them. They did not represent their tastes and needs. As a result Brio was born. This is really just the Canadian take on the San Pellegrino drinks. Sure the can lists: Milano, London, New York, Paris an d Tokyo, but the only place I have ever seen this drink on the shelves is in Canada. An internet search comes up with little to no information as well. There is much that we don’t know about the Brio company, and by much I mean we pretty much know nothing. For all I know they could have been an extremist movement who used the cans to smuggle contraband. I doubt that, but hey anything is a possibility.

This here is their blood orange flavor. As I said this is basically another version of the San Pellegrino Aranciata Rossa. It’s very light tasting, but not dry at all. It’s kind of like a nondescript soda with small waves of blood orange flavor. It’s nice and it seems like it would be a nice healthy alternative to other sodas. That is until you look at the ingredients and see that there are 42g of sugar in here. I believe that might actually be more sugar than a can of Coke. Well, that was completely unexpected. I like the drink, but I think it could have done with less sugar.

Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar/Glucose-Fructose
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 18th, 2012
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Jones Whoopass

Jones Whoopass

To come up with some dumb story about this drink would just be too easy, and obvious. Yes the 16 year old that lives inside of me giggled a bit when I saw this can in the store and no I am not ashamed. I just hope someone was trying to make a joke and started a fake argument, which they were planning on escalating to a fake fight in which they would taunt the other person in juvenile ways and then pull out this can as the punch line. I would also hope that jokester would get punched in the face, because that is cheesy and not funny.

This is made by the Jones company and it definitely has that specific Jones sweetness to it. All of there sodas have it, so why wouldn’t their energy drink. It actually tastes like they took a raspberry/pomegranate soda and mixed in the extra ingredients that would make it an energy drink. I’m not too crazy about the flavor, but it’s not horrendous.

I remember when this used to be a joke drink. There was a caricature on the can, and it was supposed to be funny. It seems Jones decided to give their look an overhaul and the iron cross looks like they are trying to appeal to the biker crowd. I would put my money on the idea that they were trying to appeal to the MMA crowd, but just got it wrong, and now it just catches the eye of grizzled bikers. Hey, everyone needs energy sometimes.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Invert Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 15th, 2012
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8 Pack - Jones WhoopAss - 16oz.

Red Rain Energy Drink Downpour Cherry Limeade

Red Rain Energy Drink Downpour Cherry Limeade

Look, I'm not fantastic with boats. I'm apparently alright with cruise ships but that's no different than riding atop a floatable skyscraper. I'm fine on those. Lil' boats destroy me. I know all the tricks; ginger ale, looking at the horizon, not taking Dramamine. They don't always work and I get nauseous and either want to hurl or sleep.

Jessika, Max, and I were going to go aboard my boss' daddy's boat and we were getting supplies. We went to K-Mart to get Max a baby sized rash-guard. K-Mart in the city is rough. Rough. Jessika's mom gets us gift cards for there and we always tell her that we never go because it's pretty depressing. One positive thing about it is that there is a dude there that looks just like Prince and he's there just enough that it's a real treat when our schedules match. He was there on the day we bought this drink and the baby shirt so I knew everything was going to alright.

We boarded the ship, rode for a few hours, Max got restless, and we got off. Sickness free. I was so distracted by Max that I didn't drink this until we went home. I didn't know what to expect because between energy, cherry, and limeade my palate didn't know what to expect. What did this deliver? Everything is in a pretty decent package. It was cherry limeade with a little bit of candy taste to it. All of the flavors actually worked well together. So well, in fact that I'm surprised that I hadn't seen this drink anywhere else before. I think that if more energy drinks tasted like this, I wouldn't always think that they sucked so badly. Some companies know what time it is and you can add this one to it. Good job, Canada. You win this round.

Website
http://redrainenergy.ca/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar/Glucose-Fructose
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 6th, 2012
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Buy Now
Red Rain Energy Drink, Cherry Limeade, 16-Ounce Cans (Pack of 12)

Flavur Strawberry Dragon Fruit Ginseng

Flavur Strawberry Dragon Fruit Ginseng

No matter how cool of a name dragon fruit is, and no matter how insane and awesome the outside of the fruit looks, once you cut it open it’s off putting. It looks like a bleached strawberry. I’d like to rephrase that. It looks like an albino strawberry. If I were the lying sort I would tell you that like other albinos when a dragon fruit it cut open and exposed to sunlight it ignites…just like any other albino.

I’d like to think the folks at Flavur also thought that dragon fruit looked like a pigmentless version of a strawberry and decided to mix in some real red ones and see how it tastes. The answer is it tastes delicious of course. There are two delicious fruits intermingling in a single bottle with a little help from ginseng (luckily his dirt flavor is nowhere to be found), what else could you want? Okay so there is a bit more in here. There are also apple, elderberry and lemon juice involved. Normally I’m not a fan of lemons being introduced into beverages unless it’s lemonade, but I will happily admit that it does something to bring out the flavors of the other fruits. All together it’s sweet and fruity in all the right ways.

I always find myself jealous of the Canadian public for their awesome beverages. They always seem to have very unique juices to offer. It’s also exciting when they are sweetened with beet syrup like this drink is. Now I must go and try to get “Killer Tofu” out of my head.

Country
Canada
Sweetener
Beet Syrup
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 3rd, 2012
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