Mike Literman (1766 reviews)

Mike loves new drinks. He's drank some gross stuff in his day, and this blog is making him drink even more against his will. That being said, he wouldn't trade it in for the world. He loves new beverages and is always, and always will be, on a quest for something new.

Agua Enerviva Lo Cal Natural Energy Strawberry Kiwi + Guarana

Agua Enerviva Lo Cal Natural Energy Strawberry Kiwi + Guarana

You've got a great thing. Imagine, if you will, a pristine Pontiac Fiero. Gorgeous, right? Red with those strange but lovable cloth seats with the speakers in the headrest. Manual transmission, stock everything, fastback, and unaltered in every way. You love it, much like Cameron's dad's Ferrari in Ferris Bueler's Day Off, you wipe you car with a diaper. You reach a point in your life, though, where you've got a kid and you can no longer see yourself driving such a cherry roadster so you have to sell it. An eighteen year old in a beat up Neon comes to your house, hands you cash, and you sadly give him the keys and the title.

A year later you see the car around your work. It's got a dent in the hood, a plastic bag taped to the passenger window because of an apparent break-in attempt, bigger tires, and a different color passenger rear view mirror. You feel like all your hard work preserving the best of 1988 was for naught and shed the saddest single tear your eyes have ever shed. This drink is that.

You've got one great second of strawberry and kiwi that you wish never ended followed by a diet massacre. The final ingredient is sucralose, which ruins this entire drink turning it into the abomination of what it once was. It truly starts out very promising but then promptly takes a turn for the worse.

Both drinking this and writing that intro made me sad.

Website
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Agua-Enerviva/295882930443237
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 1st, 2012
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Agua Enerviva Lo Cal Natural Energy Pomegranate Berry + Guarana

Agua Enerviva Lo Cal Natural Energy Pomegranate Berry + Guarana

This is one of those drinks that is hard to classify. If you asked a kid what this was, they would say a juice. I couldn't argue with him since it's dark, fruity, and tastes like juice. When you read the labels, though, they vaguely call it a "beverage" and use sweet buzzwords like "enhanced" and "natural" and "energy" which might or might not make it an enhanced natural energy beverage but those words are borderline worthless. Also, "agua" makes me want to put it in the same category as Vitamin Water and the like but I could be wrong. For the aforementioned reasons I will never discredit a scientist for having to pick the correct genus and species of animal, bug, fruit, et cetera. Some things are drifters. That being said, a tomato is eternally a vegetable. I don't give a rip what seeds mean.

This drink is good. I don't get a lot of pomegranate but get a decent amount of cherry. It does taste like if you ate a candle and I cannot pinpoint that. I worked at a skate shop in my youth that was next door to a candle store and this drink is like someone filtered a pomegranate and cherry juice through some strategically placed candles. I say strategically because if I were performing the task, I would have candles stacked up and carefully melted as to have a seamless, waxful route of like seventeen candles to pour the drink down.

Now I want to do this. Can someone commission me to make a candle slide in which to "enhance" my otherwise average drink with additional mystery flavors? If not to make a drink, just to melt a whole bunch of candles and hook up a garden pump to have water go through a multicolored slide-o-wax? I'll let you name it, just let me take care of the actual work and don't bother me while I make art.
e art.

Website
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Agua-Enerviva/295882930443237
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 19th, 2012
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

AGV Barley

AGV Barley

Not what I expected, not what I wanted. Yes, this is a barley drink, but it's not good to me. My dad always taught me that if I was going to be opinionated, I should end all my opinionated statements with "to me" so that I'm not demonstrating close mindedness. My dad is a smart man. Smart enough to not drink this drink. It's barley, through and through but it's a bit...sweet and earthy. I know that might sound good, but it tastes more like you're in a field, hanging out with Huck Finn, chewing on a stalk of barley, wearing no shoes, talking about how you're going to make a sweet raft out of logs and push yourself down the river.

I never read Huck Finn, although I feel like I've seen enough parodies of it to know what happens. Something about faking death in a church, whitewashing fence posts, kids stuff.

Website
http://www.agv.com.tw/english/trade.php
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Other/Weird
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 28th, 2011
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Ahhmigo Endurance Lemon Chia Superseed

Ahhmigo Endurance Lemon Chia Superseed

"Tastes like lemonade," sounds like trickery to me. Telling someone that something tastes like something else seems like a not-so clever way of sneaking something into someone. If they would have said this was their interpretation of lemonade, I would have been fine. Them saying on the bottle that this "tastes like lemonade" tells me that this isn't lemonade and it's not trying to be lemonade but still tastes like it.

Does this taste like lemonade? Yes. It tastes like lemonade with those delightful little chia seeds in it. I like them. I don't know if I ever didn't but for the record, I like them. They've got a little crunch but you have to get through the smooth jelly exterior first. Although it sounds gross, I like it and if you don't actively chew the seeds, you might be able to care a little less with the fact that something you're drinking crunches.

The Stevia taste is there and I could tell right away. It's not too offensive but it's worth pointing out that this is a low calorie drink that tastes like a low calorie. An important point is that they're not trying to disguise it as not being diet. They also go on to point out what feels like a thousand times that this contains things that are good for you. Great right? Eh. It's good.

Website
http://www.facebook.com/ahhmigo/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Stevia Extract
Categories
Chunky, Diet, Mix/Concentrate, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 8th, 2013
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Ale-8-One Ginger Ale

Ale-8-One Ginger Ale

Jay says to me he says, "I've got something for you." Naturally, I got excited, even thought I knew it was a drink because that's all we exchange anymore. "Anymore" like we used to give each other gifts all the time. Eh, we probably did. We're great friends. So, Jay got me something but he can't find it. We take a trip out to his car and it's not there. I was getting let down by the second. Then, with a stroke of genius, he lifted that spare tire cover and pulled out a fresh bottle of Ale-8-One. He told me he got it on tour and it had caffeine in it. It's a ginger ale but it has a bit extra to it. It doesn't contain, but feels like it should contain, capsicum in it. It has a little baby-sized bite to it. It's nice because it's not a ginger ale trying to be a ginger beer. It's just a ginger ale with some spice to it.

I have had a long weekend. Not a rough weekend, but a long one. It was hard to get out of bed and while looking through my cache of drinks I grabbed this and didn't look back. I felt I needed a little pick me up, even though I don't think that I've ever need "pick me up's."


Jay, thanks. Ale-8-One, thanks. Everyone for leaving me at work to listen to The Best Show by myself on a snowy Monday...you's guys are kind of jerks.

Website
http://www.ale8one.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar and or Corn Sweetener
Categories
Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 27th, 2010
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Alex's Lemonade

Alex's Lemonade

In a world where corporate America tries to take over a poor girls lemonade stand, stands one girl, the owner of the lemonade stand, against corporate America. It's the age-old tale of the big guy versus the small fish. It all started out on a suburban street on a sunny afternoon. Alex is making lemonade to help her family pay for her cancer treatments when along comes a masked man wearing all black in a black limousine. He buys a cup of the sweet little girl's lemonade, listens to her story, and raises his brow. "Jackpot" he thinks to himself. He quickly drafts a contract for the girl that says they will handle all distribution and she will get a portion of the profits and they wouldn't touch the recipe at all. Alex, who put everyone else in front of herself, happily signed the contract. With that signature went her patented lemonade recipe. The man in black took the ingredients and made a crude and cheap knockoff version of the original recipe leaving America with sugary, mediocre lemonade. As soon as Alex found out that her original recipe had been altered and the breach of contract had been made, Alex fought to get her fair and decent drink out of the greedy hands of corporate America.

Watch as a frail, little girl fights the unbeatable fight in this tearjerker of a blockbuster film. Coming this summer probably straight to VHS.

Website
http://www.alexslemonade.org/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Lemonade
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 26th, 2011
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

All Sport Zero Orange

All Sport Zero Orange

Orange, eh? Sir, you are under oath. Do not lie to me. You call this orange? Yes, it is the color orange, but to call this orange is pushing the extent of my patience. If you want to walk out of this courtroom a free man, you have to tell me the truth. Did you doctor this drink in any way? There, now. Was it that hard? What did you put in it? Sucralose? That's one of those artificial sweeteners isn't it? Yeah, that's what I thought. You think I got into the judge's chair by being some sort of idiot?

What else have we got here? It tastes like a watered down Gatorade if I can be so blunt. Is that what you want? A diet tasting, watered down Gatorade? You're fine with that? Sir, please. Let me leave you with these words of wisdom: Don’t be average. Be great. Average never did anything noteworthy. You may leave and please pay the bursar the small fee of three hundred and seventy dollars and have a nice day. I hope I left you with something to think about.

Website
http://www.drinkallsport.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 22nd, 2013
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Alo Enrich Aloe + Pomegranate + Cranberry

Alo Enrich Aloe + Pomegranate + Cranberry

When I'm looking for an aloe drink, there is no shortage. I've got so much selection that I can drink a different flavor every day for a week. I'm not saying that I have them on my person at all times and I don't wear cargo pants and carrying a week's worth of drinks in your pocket, unless you are planning on spending a week in the desert, is pretty stupid. I used to wear cargo pants. It was the 90's. What did you do in the 90's that you wouldn't do anymore? I bet you did a lot you regret. It was a rough time for everyone and cargo pants were our salvation. That and carpenter pants. Who carries hammers everywhere? That one I'm surprised made the jump from function to fashion.

Anyhow, this Alo has big ol' chunks. There are bigger ones than Aloevine or even Foco. The flavor is a nice mix of pomegranate and cranberry. Both are a little subdued, but still very good. You can taste the pomegranate and just the flavor, none of the bite, of the cranberry. The chunks are like flavor explosions in your mouth.

I've found this at nature stores. So if you have a Price Rite, that's where I've found it. I'm sure they probably have a "where to buy" section.

Oh, also, drink this cold. It's not too fantastic lukewarm.

Website
http://www.alodrink.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Aloe Vera, Chunky
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 21st, 2011
Comments
View and Leave A Comment
Buy Now
ALO Enrich - 16.9 fl oz. (500mL) 12-count

Alo Elated Aloe + Olive Leaf Tea

Alo Elated Aloe + Olive Leaf Tea

Oh Alo with your giant chunks of aloe. You treat me so well. Let me tell you all, y'all, a story about going to an Asian market. I went to an Asian market with Jay, Thirsty Dudes editor Dan, and some other friends and we came across an olive juice drink. I wanted to buy it so badly because of two reasons:
1. It would have been potentially gross.
2. It would have been potentially delicious.

I did not buy it because it was expired...by four years. As much as I like the idea of drinking milk that's two weeks old, I will not drink anything that's four years old. Why am I bringing this up? This has "olive leaf tea" in it and I hoped that it would taste like olives. Imagine my face when it didn't. It tastes like a sweet tea with chunks in it. Is that bad? Nope. Would I buy it again? No. Why? If I wanted a tea, I would buy a tea. If I wanted an aloe vera drink, I would buy one. I don't need two drinks in one. As novel it is, it's best not to mix something you're great at with something you aren't great at. I'm not belittling Alo, I'm giving them all the credit in the world for trying. Like I said, I'm not picking, I'm just stating an observation. This is a good drink, but it's like a hybrid car. I want all electric or all gas. I don't want to have to worry about plugging it in and filling it up with gas. I know that's not the same with all hybrids, but you know what I'm saying.

This is one of the better aloe vera companies and when it comes to bang for your buck, this company has some great and really different flavors.

Website
http://www.alodrink.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Aloe Vera, Chunky
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 21st, 2011
Comments
View and Leave A Comment
Buy Now
alo ENLIVEN Aloe Vera and 12 Fruits and Vegetables, 16.9-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 12)

Alo Coco Exposed Mangosteen + Mango

Alo Coco Exposed Mangosteen + Mango

This could not be a more disgusting drink. I mean it. This is hardly drinkable. I took one sip and essentially signed off on the whole thing. I love aloe. This has so much chunk in it that you think that you're drinking something else. It's downright thick. Second, it's got coconut water in it which I am not the largest fan of, but I thought that since it's got fruits in there, both prefixed with "mango" ironically, it might be alright. Nope. It stood out like a sore thumb. I can taste the fruit but it's so masked by chunks and coconut that you'd be better off just not adding flavor, or more flavor. This drink is a Frankenstein of all things bad and no, I'm not using that phrase because it's a week away from Halloween.

Website
http://www.alodrink.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Aloe Vera, Chunky, Coconut
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 26th, 2011
Comments
View and Leave A Comment
Buy Now
Coco Exposed 12/350ml Mangosteen + Mango
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |