Milk (81 reviews)

Upstate Farms Pumpkin Spice

Upstate Farms Pumpkin Spice

Your grandma rules. Make her cookies for once. Every time you go over there, she's up to something. Something delicious, not something maniacal. You're grandma who is capable of every baked good imaginable is not capable of even the slightest evil. You want cookies? Don't worry because she has some in the freezer that she made yesterday and if that's not good enough for you, you brat, she does have two different types in the oven as we speak. She also makes the best spaghetti, regardless of her heritage, known to man.

There is always some sort of pie there. Typically it's a cherry or an apple pie, complete with those nice, woven tops like you see in movies and in print. She doesn't do those lazy flat, plain tops with a couple holes so you know what kind of garbage pie it is. You grandma deal with quality. Your grandma is the Rolls Royce of cooking and baking. When it comes time to fall, she makes pumpkin pie and it's obviously delicious. She nails it every time and has never made a bad pie in her life. Upstate Farms has hired your grandma at a reasonable rate to spill her secrets into a plastic container because this stuff tastes like pumpkin pie and I'm not exaggerating. There are even little spice specs, a term I just coined that if anyone uses henceforth they owe me royalties, inside of the drink. It's delicious.

Throw your forks in the garbage, kiss your grandma on the cheek, and go get this. It's a limited time thing that might only be available in Upstate New York. Wash your forks and put them back in the silverware drawer. I don't know why I told you to throw your forks in the garbage. You don't need them for a drink, is what I was getting across. Then I tried to get you to help your grandma out because she already made you a large meal. There is no reason she should be doing your dishes, too, you ingrate.

Website
http://www.upstatefarms.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 18th, 2011
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So Delicious Coconut Milk Nog

So Delicious Coconut Milk Nog

Ever since I went vegan and no longer could drink eggnog, I have been searching for a good vegan substitute. I have finally found it! This is seriously better than I remember regular eggnog being. The coconut milk makes this drink so creamy and thick. And it has the perfect amount of nutmeg. My holiday season just got so much better!

Website
http://www.turtlemountain.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Dried Cane Syrup
Categories
Coconut, Milk
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on November 10th, 2011
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Silk Pure Almond Unsweetened

Silk Pure Almond Unsweetened

Jerry wasted much of his time trying to unlock the secret of the almond, mainly how to get “milk” from them. You see Jerry was absolutely disgusted by milk that came from animals. Rice milk tasted too much like rice for his liking. Soymilk was a good substitute for a while, but he soon learned that consuming a lot of it just wasn’t healthy. It was at this point that almond milk entered his life. He loved the nuts, and he loved the milk. It just baffled him where the milk came from. The nuts were fairly dry themselves, but he did some experiments to compress moisture out of them and came up with failure. His next thought was that maybe the milk came from the almond plant, and not specifically from the nuts. He went to the local botanical gardens and checked out the trees. While he was able to get some liquid from them, it wasn’t anything like what he bought at the grocer, and it wasn’t anything that he would have liked to consume.

Disillusioned he finally gave in and looked it up on the internet. It was then that Jerry learned that almond milk was actually just ground up almonds in water. He felt like an idiot for not thinking of that, but it made sense. His favorite kind was the Silk unsweetened because it tasted the most like actually almonds, and really who needs extra sugar in their milk? Now that he knew how it was made, when he took a sip he could taste that it was exactly how it was made. It really just tasted like raw almonds in liquid form. It was wonderful.

That is the story of how almonds saved breakfast and how you can find out anything via the internet.

Website
http://www.silksoymilk.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Milk
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 10th, 2012
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MTR Chocolate

MTR Chocolate

I was just thinking of how many times I could write the word "wonderful" before you stopped reading. Then I thought that would be a terrible, albeit factual review. In exchange, I will do a review titled: "Some of the best chocolate drink that has ever passed these lips"

This chocolate drink, for some reason not called chocolate milk, is simply splendid. It is smooth, creamy, and has bits of badam in it. "What is badam?" you ask? Almonds, friend. Almonds. And "bits" is a good way to describe them. They are super tiny and in some sips, non-existent. To further extend the experimentation of what we do here at Thirsty Dudes, a friend of "the dudes" poured a quarter of his half of the drink into the remnants of his coffee making a rather delicious mocha.

I bought this at an Indian market and you should, too. Seriously, you should. Five bottles. You know what that means, right? It means quit your job and go buy some chocolate drink!

Website
http://www.mtrfoods.com
Country
India
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 6th, 2012
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MTR Chocolate Drink 180ml 6.08oz

Chug Milk Shake Chocolate

Chug Milk Shake Chocolate

Well...color me impressed. I read the label and it says "Milk Shake". Whatever dude, it's just chocolate milk lying to me. I will sincerely apologize to you, Chug, as you have actually released a milk shake in a bottle.

I bought this over at the Dollar General on a whim and what a good whim. It is the thickest, creamiest "milkshake in a bottle" I've ever had. It's as if you bought a legit milkshake at your local chromed our diner and let it sit on the table for ten minutes. It tastes like the bottom of every chocolate milkshake you've ever had.

Convinced? Do it. Tom Scharpling says, "Do it." Henry Rollins says, "Do it." I say, "Do it."

Website
http://www.deandairy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Milkshake
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 24th, 2010
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Silk Light Vanilla

Silk Light Vanilla

Although I very rarely drink a glass of this, it is my go to soymilk to put on my cereal. The vanilla isn't so strong that it's more powerful than the actual flavor of the cereal, but it's there enough so that when you do have a glass of it, it doesn't just taste like soy. I can get behind it. Regular milk is so gross. I just can't do it. That means soy and Silk wins out.

Website
http://www.silksoymilk.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Evaporated Cane Juice
Categories
Diet, Milk, Soy
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 22nd, 2010
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Silk Very Vanilla Soymilk Natural, 8-Ounce Containers (Pack of 18)

West Soy Chocolate Peppermint Stick

West Soy Chocolate Peppermint Stick

Ooooh. So let me get this straight. You're vegan and it's Christmas? Well that is very saddening. You can't have any milks or meats. That's unfortunate. And now you're telling me that you used to love Hot Chocolate with milk like mama used to make? Oh, and you used to put a peppermint stick in it to really hit it home? I'm very sorry that you can no longer have that. Let me present to you, though, something very on par that is not just for you, but also for the rest of us. It's from West Soy and it's chocolate with peppermint stick and tastes just like (cold) hot chocolate with mama's recommendation of puttin' a peppermint stick in it. What more could you ask for? Warmth? You could probably boil it or put it in the microwave, but at the speed that you can slam/chug it, you won't want to waste time warming it up. Just leave it on the shelf and kind of meet the world half way and drink it at room temperature.

Look, you can drink it however you want to. I'm not your friggin' dad. I'm not going to tell you what to do. You asked what you could drink as a malnourished vegan on Christmas and I told you. What else do you want? Do you want me to go to the store, buy some, then buy some glasses, pour the drink in said glass, and then pour the drink down your throat? That's dangerous. You could choke. I don't know your oral liquid limits. I'm not in your mouth. What am I, your tongue? Leave me alone.

Website
http://www.westsoy.biz
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Dehydrated Cane Juice
Categories
Milk, Soy
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 6th, 2010
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Westsoy Chocolate Peppermint Stick Soy Beverage, 32 oz. Aseptic Package

Silk Nog

Silk Nog

Eggnog is one of the foulest beverages in the history of the world. Eggs and milk mixed? No thanks! Ever since I was a kid I loathed the stuff. I don't give a rip if Santa loves the stuff. You know what I do care if he likes it. He can have my share.
A couple of years back a friend got a carton of Silk Nog and I went off about how gross the stuff was. I was then basically forced to try it. I was shocked that I actually enjoyed the stuff. I don't know if it was just that I knew it wasn't made out of disgusting ingredients or if it's just better than eggnog. I will tell you this, it's not as thick as eggnog, but it's by no means watery. When you go to take a sip and breath in through your mouth, a strong taste hits you before the liquid. It's like an aftertaste in reverse. I think Silk has mastered quantum physics with this beverage. I've never had that happen before with a drink. When it finally hits your tongue it's very creamy, and tastes like light holiday spices.
Every since that day I've gotten a handful of cartons of this a year. It's not an all the time drink, but a nice glass of it every once and a while is really nice. I guess I have to get in the holiday mood in some way, and I choose to do so eating cookies and drinking Silk Nog.

Website
http://www.silksoymilk.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Evaporated Cane Juice
Categories
Milk, Soy
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 19th, 2010
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Almond Breeze Chocolate Almond Milk

Almond Breeze Chocolate Almond Milk

Of all the alt-milks out there, almond milk is by far my favorite. It's smooth and doesn't taste watery or chalky. As far as vegan chocolate milk goes, this is the best. It's super rich and delicious and makes me wish I had Oreos to dip into it. I don't know why I only buy this every few months. When I have it in the fridge it rarely lasts longer than a few days.

Website
http://www.almondbreeze.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Evaporated Cane Juice
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on April 4th, 2011
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Almond Breeze, Chocolate, 32 oz.

Vitasoy Soy Drink Chocolate

Vitasoy Soy Drink Chocolate

I purchased this little gem as part of a mean sixer at a local Asian supermarket. I have been looking at it but have been too cheap to drop the necessary $4 to buy it. If it were in singles or an assorted pack, dude, I would have reviewed all of them, but when it comes to spending $4 on a juice box that I am going to drink one of and give the rest away, it's hard. I know my girlfriend has drunk two, Derek has one, I just drank one and that leaves a few more. I think I promised Jay one. Anyhow, the review...

I was impressed. I have had some strange, imported soy chocolate milk and they are gross. This rivals YooHoo, but probably not Nesquik because that is pretty darn fantastic in my opinion. This, to me, I think would be kid friendly, too. It's still a crap-load of calories (160) but if your son is lactose intolerant and needs chocolate milk, this won't make him get sick.

I really think that this could stand the kid taste test, too. If you had your kid drink 15 non-market chocolate milk boxes and then snuck one of these buddies in there, two things would happen.
1. I would call CPS on you because you just gave your kid 16 chocolate milks in one sitting and are a terrible parent.
2. Before you got carted away by the authorities, your kid wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

If you're vegan or lactose intolerant, get this. If you still don't want chocolate milk, enjoy your menial desk job, your boring car, your turkey sandwiches with the crust cut off, and your "Hang In There" cat poster, turd.

Website
http://www.vitasoy.com/
Country
Hong Kong
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Soy
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 20th, 2011
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