Coffee (101 reviews)
Havana Cappuccino Mocha
I don't know where I got this. I know why I got it, though. Answer; because it was there. This is not a fantastic representation of mocha cappuccino. I promise to you that if you're looking for a "quality" drink, you won't find it constrained within the glass walls of this bottle. It's terrible fake tasting like they had some chocolate milk, cut it in half, poured bad instant, powder mocha cappuccino into to it, skipped all the "red tape" one would need to put out something legit and pushed it right to market. I probably got this on sale. The same people also make these chocolate milks that just tasted unpure.
Look. I enjoy a nice, sweet garbage drink. Give me a Nesquik in those gargantuan thirty-two ounce bottles and I will use all the strength inside of me to not Gregory House the whole thing. This is half that size and I'm going to probably have no choice but to dump half of that. Strong percentages. Weak drink. I don't know why a company called "North American Beverage" would market a drink called Havana. I do appreciate, slightly, that illustration of the most 80's bottle I've ever seen. It looks like it should be on the wall of a victim’s house in Miami Vice. I felt like I should have been wearing a Panama hat and a Panama Jack shirt that I would have had to scour multiple Salvation Army's to find just to fully appreciate this drink. Since I'm wearing a fifteen-year-old hoodie that is ill fitting, this drink did not deliver.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Coffee
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 9/23/2011
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
CalNaturale Svelte Cappuccino
This drink is more soymilk than it is coffee and it shows. For some people that might be a turnoff, but for me it's a green light to keep on drinking. The coffee taste is at a level that puts it at "fancy coffee drink" status. Something that you would order at a local coffeehouse with a wacky name. It still has a coffee flavor, but it's smoothed out. If you drink your coffee black, this will taste insanely weak to you, but for those of us who only dabble in coffee drinks that are flavored with other things, this may be a stepping stone for getting into the hard stuff.
- Website
- http://sveltebrand.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Dried Cane Syrup
- Categories
- Coffee
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 9/25/2011
- Comments
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Simpson Spring Sparkling Coffee Soda
It’s well known that many people out there are straight up coffee addicts. Perhaps it started like it was in the olden days with a mug for breakfast. Then it grew to a mug or two at the office. Now those same people drink it all day, everyday. I am amazed that people can do this can still fall asleep at night with no problems. It boggles (bottles) the mind.
So yes, people love their coffee. In the winter it’s not a problem because it helps to warm them up and keep them moving. On days like today when it’s a broiler out the last thing I would want to do it drink a nice hot mug of coffee. Sure you can go to a coffee shop and get a fancy iced coffee of some sort, but does iced coffee fit at a backyard bbq? I think not. Simpson Spring has the solution to this problem. They have created a coffee soda that is pretty insane. When you twist off that cap it smells like a bag of coffee grounds, which is one of the best smells ever. The taste is also surprisingly good. It tastes like someone somehow brewed coffee with carbonated water and then added a bit of sugar to it. It was refreshing, yet it still filled the need some of the people I was with had for their 4PM mug. The flavor is definitely more coffee than soda, but it’s still carbonated. It basically tastes exactly like you would want it to. I’m not a huge coffee fan myself, but I really liked it and those of me that dig on the bean absolutely loved it. I’d say it’s a fairly perfect drink.
- Website
- http://www.simpsonspring.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar and/or Dextrose and Fructose
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 5/28/2012
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Seattle's Best Coffee Iced Vanilla Latte
This past week, I saw the band Minus The Bear. They were wonderful and the headliner, The Velvet Teen, was also pretty impressive. They were like an early 2000's indie-rock/math-rock band meets Mutemath. Anyhow, reason I bring up Minus The Bear is that they are from Seattle, so I'm sure they know a thing or two about good coffee. Me personally, I don't know anything about any coffee, only what I hear from other people. Since everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, I don't even take that with a ton of weight. Also, I like to form my own opinion so here goes.
With little if any investigation of the coffee of Seattle, I feel that I can safely say that this is not Seattle's Best Coffee. I am not saying that this is bad, because it's actually quite good. It's got a light, foamy latte flavor and the vanilla definitely cuts the coffee taste. Between the vanilla and the sugar, you've got a nice coffee drink that's suitable for many occasions. Not "high tea" but basically any other occasion.
Now back to the competition that this company started when it named it's company "[Location]'s Best [Item]". That's a ballsy move; I've got to say. Now it's printed on cans and bottles and bags and people are going to read it and just assume that it is, in fact, Seattle's Best Coffee. I am sure that people who work for the company probably sneak out at 3am, travel through the seemingly endless rain while listening to either "Bleach", "Ten", or "This Is What I Know About Being Gigantic" and go to another coffee place they think is better than their own.
Bands from Seattle, voice your opinions. I've going to need some indigenous opinions on what was said here.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Coffee
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 10/15/2011
- Comments
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Wolfgang Puck Double Blend Mocha
So wait, you're telling me that Wolfgang Puck doesn't look like Mr. Food dressed up as a werewolf? You sir, have just blown my mind grapes. I have known the name for years, but have never seen a picture of the man, the chef, the legend. In my mind that is exactly what we looked like. For no other reason than I never really gave it much thought, and that's the first image to pop into my head. What I do know for sure is that he is a world-renowned chef and has some cookbooks and restaurants. Today I learned that he's tried his hand at coffee drinks.
I've never tried his cooking, or any of his other products, but if this is any indication it's going to be damn good. The blend of espresso and chocolate is nearly perfect. It's just a tad heavy on the coffee side, which is really how it should be. The chocolate used seems to be of a much higher quality than most mocha drinks as well. It says that it's Viennese chocolate, which I would now really like to try in bar form. I bet this would be completely incredible hot as well. Go Puck!
- Website
- http://www.wolfgangpuck.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Evaporated Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Coffee
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 10/25/2011
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Starbucks Frappuccino Mint Mocha
Starbucks. There's one not too far from my house and I try as hard as I can to not go in there. Only reason I do is when my girlfriend needs to get a coffee and she yells at me when I want to stay outside. I never want to go in anywhere. My epitaph might say, "Do you want to run in while I stay in the car?" I was in Starbucks last week and she forced me to get a hot cocoa. It was great, but I didn't want it. I don't drink coffee so for the sake of me (and the sake of an establishment that doesn't want people it can't sell to) I don't go there. No offense.
Something happened inside of coffee shops and I don't think that it's a wanted or desired thing. Fifty percent of the seats have been taken over by people on laptops. I don't believe they were just checking email, either. I feel they were doing some sort of work that takes an adequate amount of time. Every food place I've ever worked has basically tried to get you in and out as quickly as they can because quick turnover means more money. You on your laptop write a thesis on how the Cosby show portrayed Black America in a good light at a coffee shoppe means that while you're there taking up space, no one else can come in, sit down, drink a cup of coffee, and scoot. You who are reading a book about how the harvesting of the ivory tusks of elephants to make chopsticks is a thriving but illegal business is not allowing a tired mother who has schlepped her crying kid around all day and just wants to sit down and enjoy a chai latte a place to sit, as she is entitled to do.
I hold a grudge towards those people who do this sort of action and it is not something that happened a little. I have completely written off coffee shops that sell decent food because jerk college kids think that a coffee shop is actually the common room in the dorm where they can stretch out and work on English 101 homework with their study group.
I believe for this reason, Starbucks has created this drink. For the inconsiderate person on the go. It's got that coffee name you can trust, plus coffee, plus some cocoa, plus mint, in case you decided that you would rather drink a drink that is horrible for you, albeit delicious, instead of brushing your teeth. Now, I know that last part isn't true, but if Starbucks brick and mortar stores have just given up and are alright with housing people on computers all day, then they needed to create an outside revenue resource. The Frappuccino was born. Now, the baristas can make seventeen drinks in one eight hour shift for eight people while no one can get in and out because the middle of the establishment is so full of power cables running to and from people's computers, that it looks like a rubber and plastic spider has been created as some sort of garbage "art as an installation" piece in the center of all and every Starbucks.
Starbucks. You don't need me to come in. Do not be sore at me for I do not hate your establishment. Your mint mocha Frappuccino is delicious and I've got three more to keep my mouth pleased. You do need to start charging for Wi-Fi and/or electricity to start getting some people out of your shops.
- Website
- http://www.starbucks.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Coffee
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/6/2011
- Comments
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Monster Hammer X-Presso
A lot going on. But there always is, isn't there -- a lot going on?
A classic line from the classic...er movie "Made" with Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau. That line defines this drink to a T. Tee? Tea? Who cares, am I right?
In one corner of the royal rumble, you've got the Monster name. With that, you expect that "trillion Smarties" taste. You don't get it in this drink, but you expect it.
In another corner, you've got a coffee taste. It's not too bad. It's definitely more than a basic, poor person coffee taste. It's compressed, like Monster has hired ex-baristas and are just having them compress coffee in an underground shack for this drink.
In the third corner of the world's strangest wrastlin' ring, the sweetness. It's regular first, and then it gets a little diet-y. There is sucralose in there, but it is tolerable. It's pretty masked by a lot of the other flavors that are going on, hitting each other in the heads with folding chairs from your aunt's dumb basement party. Why does she have parties and gatherings in the basement when she has a perfectly clean and functioning upstairs?
In the fourth and final corner, there is milk. Milk is kind of like the ref in this game. While the drama is going on with the other wrestlers, the ref literally smoothes everything out. He's a nice guy. He smoothes everything out in the ring and before that, he refs his kid's T-Ball game.
I didn't hate this as much as I thought that I would. That says a lot.
- Website
- http://www.monsterenergy.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Coffee, Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/11/2011
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Seattle's Best Coffee Iced Mocha
If all coffee drinks tastes like this, I would be thrilled. I had a busy day. I did my girlfriend's brakes, took the dogs for a long walk in the park, went grocery shopping, and when I got home, I knew what I had to do.
Now, when you get home from a day like that, everything's got to be right. In order to set the mood, I put on Pet Shop Boys Yes, which finally arrived from the UK. It's good. Not over the top at all. I am a huge Pet Shop Boys fan so I was excited when I liked everything I heard from a newer album. I mean, come on, they can't all be Please, am I right? That album is in my top five pop albums of all time list.
So with Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe doing what they do best, serenading me, I decided it was time to get my coffee drink on. I have liked iced mocha drinks in the past, and this was no different. It has a lot more chocolate than previous mocha drinks had, and that's a good thing. I liked it a lot, to the point where I would buy this again. You should buy this more than once because you don't have a cache of three shelves of drinks to go through, so for me to say I would buy it again has weight.
Neil and Chris, don't ever break up. I don't see any album nowadays pushing you out of that top five spot. I also don't see anyone pushing Tracey Thorn and Ben Watt's Temperamental out of there, either. Serious gems people.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Coffee
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/12/2011
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Starbucks Doubleshot Mocha
One of my two bosses drinks at least one of these a day. It didn't occur to me that we hadn't reviewed one yet so I borrowed some which if he asks for it back; it will be in a disgustingly different form.
Starbucks has some good "on the shelf" stuff. This is good. You know why it's good? Because it doesn't taste anything like an energy drink. Strange how that works, eh? I love this drink because of it's false advertising. I would expect this to taste like coffee spilled into some brat kids plastic pumpkin head of nothing but plain chocolate and Pixie Stix. Scene:
"Trick or Treat!" says the little girl. "It's November, kid. Get out of here," your grandpa says. "I know, but I want candy and my mom said that I can't have any and I know that when I go to other people's houses and ask with a ghost costume on, they give me candy. See? Look. I've got some chocolate and someone had Pixie Stix left over. They said they were to old for Pixie Stix and gave me a handful of them." "Oh yeah?" said grandpappy. "Well here's what I think of your out of the box thinking." he said as he pours an entire carafe of old coffee into the boys plastic jack-o-lantern, but before the boys leaves, the old man dips his cup into the pail now filled with floating candy bars, Pixie Stix wrappers, old coffee, and the little boys tears, and takes it to his lips. He enjoys it, because he's a terrible old man.
End scene.
Thing is, it doesn't taste like that. It's a smooth coffee drink. If I didn't know better, I would just say that it's a mocha Frappuccino. You even get a periodic taste of real coffee, which is a nice touch, I must say. Who knows how much actual caffeine is in there, between the coffee and whatever other energy supplements they have in there.
I hope that story that was completely fabricated never comes true. I would hate to see a sad ghost kid walking down the street with damp, coffee stained candy.
- Website
- http://www.starbucks.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Coffee, Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/18/2011
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Monster Java Originale
For some people, coffee is not enough. For some people, energy drinks are not enough. For the rest, you've got to combine caffeine with caffeine and hope for the best. I am no nutritionist, but I am a scientist and I would say that this could not be worse for you than anything else you could drink.
Ignoring all nutritional value, which in this case, if it weren't for the FDA demanding that legitimate numbers be printed on the back of all food, should just say "Bad." Oh sure, there is a ton of vitamin B in there, but who cares? I think my mom takes a B12 for memory. Her memory is fine, but she takes it. I think it's a girl thing, like how all girls have anemia, but probably don't, they just all think that they should because their mom's told them to take it.
One thing your mom or dad is not going to turn you on to is this. It's not bad, but if your parents care about you, they won't let you have this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're an adult and you can make your own decisions. You're such a rebel. Look, you're not sixteen anymore. Make up with your parents and see what they've been up to. No one cares that you don't get along with your daddy and it's unfortunate. Bury the hatchet about that thing that happened at Thanksgiving twelve years ago and get a steak with your friggin' dad.
It doesn't taste like an energy drink, but it also doesn't taste like coffee. It kind of tastes like a liquidy coffee iced cream. Perhaps with some diet action to it. Your mom wouldn't like it. Your daddy wouldn't like it. Your boss might like it, but your boss is always a bit juiced up.
- Website
- http://www.monsterenergy.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucrose
- Categories
- Coffee, Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 12/5/2011
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
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